NEW BRIGHTON PIER BIDS STADIUM WELCOME AMID CONE CARNAGE
_A new stadium at New Brighton Pier aims to give seagulls season passes but leaves locals buggered._
'You'd never believe it, but they've gone and decided to plonk a stadium next to what used to be a peaceful pier,' grumbled one irate resident, wiping chips off his shoe. 'If I wanted to dodge 3,000 orange cones, I'd stick to the main road after a nor'wester.'
Despite the questionable location choice and logistical migraine, the stadium project has been blessed with the stamp of approval from the city's favourite consultants. Described affectionately by ratepayers as a group of 'chinwagging plonkers', they promise the stadium’s opening in 2027 will herald a new age of progress. But for seagulls, it's only the beginning of the season’s must-attend event.
'We’re load-bearing pigeons of the sport world now,' squawked one enterprising seagull, eying up the local chipshop's latest fryer yield. 'If humans can manage to play in an earthquake zone, we can adapt to hosting them.'
Reader Letters
Wayne Patterson
Honestly, it's no surprise the council would choose such a ridiculous spot for a stadium. Next, they'll be suggesting we host the Olympics on top of the gondola!
Trevor McLeod
I'm all for community projects, but this seems like a bit of a stretch. How are they planning to manage the transport? The last parade had traffic backed up to Linwood! It's a logistical nightmare waiting to happen.
Linda Chen
I quite like the idea. Sure, it’s ambitious, but maybe it’s exactly what New Brighton needs. Besides, the kids could use a new place to enjoy their sports.
Janice Walsh
I have to agree with Wayne on this one—why New Brighton Pier of all places? The weather alone would make events an entirely unpredictable spectacle. Will they issue raincoats with every ticket?
Sharon Ngatai
Well, I'm just hoping they include some decent coffee stalls! If we're going to deal with seagulls and cones, at least let us have a decent flat white while we're at it!