NEWMARKET HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-13 GAME, REFUSES TO LEAVE WHEN ASKED
The umpire is 16. The megaphone is loud. The dad is unrepentant.
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HENDERSON PRIMARY PICKUP LANE NOW OPERATING ON 14-SECOND STOP WINDOW, PARENTS TIMED
One mother brought a stopwatch. The deputy principal brought a clipboard. Neither is backing down.
ROSLYN CLUBROOMS SMELL LIKE "DEEP HEAT AND REGRET", BARPERSON CONFIRMS
Janine into her fourth season says the carpet hasn't been dry since 2019.
NEWTOWN WOMAN'S CLICK-AND-COLLECT ARRIVES IN FRIDGE-SIZED BOX CONTAINING ONE (1) GRAPE
Woolworths says the packaging is "within tolerance". The grape is green.
MT EDEN PARKING WARDEN TICKETS MOBILITY SCOOTER OUTSIDE DAIRY — INSISTS IT WAS "AT AN ANGLE"
The scooter's owner, 81, was inside buying a Trumpet. The fine is $40.
TAKAPUNA PRIMARY BANS GLITTER AFTER ART CLASS INCIDENT DESCRIBED AS 'BIBLICAL'
Three weeks on, the staffroom carpet still sparkles. So does the principal.
PAPAMOA CAT NAMED 'PERSON OF INTEREST' IN NEIGHBOURLY POLL, REFUSES TO COMMENT
The cat, a ginger tom called Brendan, is currently leading the poll by 14 votes.
TARADALE ROUNDABOUT RENAMING DEBATE ENTERS THIRD MONTH, FOURTH NOMINEE, FIRST PUNCH-UP
Nobody can agree which local legend deserves it. Everyone agrees it shouldn't be Trev.
ISLAND BAY MUM ENTERS PTA MEETING AT 6PM, STILL THERE AT MIDNIGHT WITH THERMOS HALF-FULL
The agenda had four items. She has tabled eleven.
STOKE LIBRARY AMNESTY QUIETLY ERASES MAYOR'S $187 DVD TAB
Two copies of Shrek 2 among the wiped items. The librarian is not happy.
HAMILTON EAST WHEELIE BIN LEFT OPEN OVERNIGHT, COOK STREET LOSES IT
Three notes, one text chain, and an email to council. All because Mrs Patterson's lid was up six inches.
BISHOPDALE WOMAN CONVINCED NEIGHBOUR'S SOLAR PANELS ARE "WATCHING HER HANG WASHING"
Complainant has filed three reports, two diagrams, and a strongly worded letter to ECan.
ROSLYN PTA TREASURER UNCOVERS $3.50 DISCREPANCY, CALLS EMERGENCY MEETING
The shortfall is roughly one sausage and a juice box. The principle, treasurer says, is the principle.
HAMILTON EAST CLIENT DEMANDS KITCHEN 'LIKE ON TELLY' BUT BEIGER, CHIPPIE QUOTES $94K AND A LIE DOWN
She's been to Mitre 10 four times this week. The chippie has been to the pub three.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A FENCE POST, AND "SHEER FUCKING WILLPOWER"
The wall is 30 years old. The wire is older. The slope behind it contains a trampoline.
WELLINGTON COUNCIL SPENDS THREE HOURS DEBATING WHETHER HOT CROSS BUNS NEED RESOURCE CONSENT
Two consultants engaged. One bun produced. Nobody has eaten it.
MT EDEN UNDER-11 CRICKET PAUSED 40 MINUTES AFTER DOG NAMED BISCUIT NICKS THE BALL
Biscuit took the ball to a Hilux. The opening bowler took a seat on the wicket.
HAMILTON KMART LAUNCHES 'TREASURE HUNT' THAT IS JUST STAFF ADMITTING THEY'VE LOST THE STOCK
Find an air fryer, win an air fryer. If you can find one. Which you can't.
LINWOOD NETBALL MUM BINS RIVAL'S ORANGES FOR BEING 'CUT WRONG' AT UNDER-11 FINAL
Quarter-time slicing now run by a woman called Donna and a laminated roster.
PAPAMOA PRIMARY SOCK HEIGHT RULING SPARKS PTA CIVIL WAR — TWO MUMS NO LONGER SPEAKING AT PILATES
The board says mid-calf. Some parents say ankle. A WhatsApp group called 'Sock Chat' has 47 unread messages.
HENDERSON PIGEON STATUE MEETING ENDS IN SHOUTING, ONE EVACUATION, ZERO PIGEONS CONSULTED
Auckland Council spent $48,000 on a feasibility report. The pigeons don't know.
ROSLYN BLOKE HOSES DRY DRIVEWAY DURING HOSE BAN, CITES "MORALE"
Council says no. The driveway has never looked cleaner.
MT EDEN BUILDER NAMES EVERY NAIL ON SITE, REFUSES TO HAMMER UNTIL GREETED PROPERLY
Job is eleven weeks behind. The foreman's calling in sick. The nails have surnames.
BISHOPDALE DUCK HOLDS UP HARTLEY AVE TRAFFIC, GETS FULL RIGHT OF WAY FROM SEVEN CARS AND A HIACE
The duck took its time. The Hiace driver, against all odds, did not honk.
NEWMARKET COMMUNITY HALL DOUBLE-BOOKED FOR YOGA AND BINGO, NEITHER SIDE WILLING TO BUDGE
Downward dog versus two fat ladies. The hall manager has gone to lie down in her car.
TARADALE BRACES FOR SNOW THAT HAS NEVER, IN RECORDED HISTORY, ARRIVED
MetService mentioned the word once. Pak'nSave is out of bread by 9am.
NEWTOWN UNDER-11 NETBALL REF THREATENED WITH NEIGHBOURLY REVIEW OVER "DODGY CONTACT CALL"
The ref is 16. The mum is 43. The post is now pinned.
NEWMARKET MAN INSTALLS FOUR-CAMERA CCTV SYSTEM TO WATCH LETTERBOX, NOTHING ELSE
The driveway, the front door, and the garage remain entirely unsurveilled. The letterbox has 1080p coverage from three angles.
ISLAND BAY JUNIOR FOOTBALL CALLED OFF AT 22 DEGREES — SAUSAGE SIZZLE PROCEEDS REGARDLESS
Wellington hit a temperature once experienced in Napier on a Tuesday. The under-11s were sent home. The Hellers were not.
TAKAPUNA RENO STRIPS BACK FOUR LAYERS OF WALLPAPER, FINDS 1987 STARING BACK
The hallway is now legally a crime scene against interior design.