DEVONPORT MITRE 10'S ZIP TIE SHORTAGE LEAVES COMMUNITY IN MOURNING!
Devonport is struggling to cope after a tragic shortage of zip ties at the local Mitre 10.
It’s a dark day for Devonport – the local Mitre 10 has run completely out of zip ties, sending the community into a tailspin. Reports suggest an emergency council meeting was held in the parking lot where locals lamented the loss of their beloved plastic ties, which were apparently the cornerstone of many DIY disasters and questionable home improvement projects.
"It’s a bloody tragedy, I tell ya! I needed them for my garden gate! It’s just flapping around like it’s got a life of its own!" exclaimed Dave, a hard-done-by handyman busy weeping over his ruined trellis. Not to mention that bloke at the café down the road who said he’d “spat the dummy” when he couldn’t even secure a makeshift bird feeder!
Local resident Margaret Henderson, who swears she’s only ever used zip ties for keeping her ex-husband’s things in line, weighed in with: "This is what happens when you let the millennials run the stock room! They’d probably rather use a bloody organic oat milk latte to fix things!"
Store manager, Bruce, was left scratching his head, stating, "We just didn’t expect the Christmas DIY craze to hit this hard! I plan on taking the zip tie shortage to the top. You know, all the way up the ladder to head office!"
"It’s a bloody tragedy, I tell ya! I needed them for my garden gate! It’s just flapping around like it’s got a life of its own!" exclaimed Dave, a hard-done-by handyman busy weeping over his ruined trellis. Not to mention that bloke at the café down the road who said he’d “spat the dummy” when he couldn’t even secure a makeshift bird feeder!
Local resident Margaret Henderson, who swears she’s only ever used zip ties for keeping her ex-husband’s things in line, weighed in with: "This is what happens when you let the millennials run the stock room! They’d probably rather use a bloody organic oat milk latte to fix things!"
Store manager, Bruce, was left scratching his head, stating, "We just didn’t expect the Christmas DIY craze to hit this hard! I plan on taking the zip tie shortage to the top. You know, all the way up the ladder to head office!"
Reader Letters
Trevor McLeod
I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Zip ties are just colourful plastic! We survived before them, didn't we? Bring back the good old screws and nails, I say!
Linda Chen
Honestly, this is an overreaction. If people are relying on zip ties for their DIY projects, maybe they need a proper toolkit instead! Just saying!
Sharon Ngatai
It's a shame, but maybe some folks should've planned better. Stock up ahead of time rather than crying over spilt zip ties!
Janice Walsh
I mean, I can’t help but giggle at the absurdity of it all! Who knew the fate of Devonport rested on plastic ties? Maybe we need a DIY support group instead!