TEKAPO RESIDENTS DECLARE WAR ON STARRY NIGHTS

Residents of Tekapo have reached their limit with the 'obnoxious' brightness of the night sky, threatening the harmony once shared with celestial enthusiasts. According to veteran star-gazer Ena McLeod, the stars have 'really spat the dummy' as they outshine everything else nightly.

'I've been staring at these twinklers for forty years, and they've never been this buggering bright,' said McLeod. 'It's all well and good for the tourists wanting a romantic night under the stars, but some of us just want a decent night's kip.'

The increased astronomical enthusiasm has also seen a rise in passive-aggressive notes left on cars parked near vantage points, accusing their owners of 'hogging the Milky Way.' And in a bizarre twist, the local chapel, already besieged by unruly ornamental grasses, found itself involuntarily swept into the starry influencer culture. It's reportedly applied for its own Instagram account.

'I don't mind sharing our skies, but sure as eggs, they can keep their UFO meetings to themselves,' grumbled Mac McCoy, a local farmer. 'Next thing you know, they'll be wanting power outlets for their space ships.' His sheep remain indifferent.