Suburban Crime

NEWMARKET MAN GOES FULL BOND WITH LETTERBOX CCTV INSTALLATION!

A local bloke has taken home security to the next level over a missing package.

By Sharon Ngatai, Riccarton Correspondent · Newmarket · 3 days ago

In an utterly baffling turn of events, a Newmarket man has decided that the only serious lapse in home security lies not with his doors, but with his letterbox. That’s right—he's installed a state-of-the-art CCTV system solely to keep an eye on the little metal box at the end of his driveway! Local gossip suggests he’s convinced his missing parcel was swiped by an elusive neighbourhood rascal.

"It's a bloody disgrace!" he shared with known local barista Jess from the café on the corner. "It’s like everyone’s out to nick my stuff! I swear last week I caught that kid from up the road peeking at it!" Ah yes, because nothing screams 'serious threat' quite like a curious teenager.

His neighbours have opted for more conventional methods of package protection—like, oh, asking the delivery driver nicely to leave it behind the garden gnomes—but not this guy! He’s gearing up for surveillance glory. Perhaps next week, he'll get the entire street involved and erect a full-on watchtower! How very suburban.

We approached another local who suggested he should just start making a piss-take of it: "Maybe he could put a sign up, 'CCTV in use, thieves beware!' and then people will just steal his sign instead!" Sweet as. After all, with house prices the way they are, who can blame him for getting a little carried away with home security?

Reader Letters

Janice Walsh

Honestly, I can't believe how far people go for their parcels these days! What's next, a moat around the letterbox? Seriously, can't we just have a chat with our neighbours instead of resorting to camera surveillance?

Wayne Patterson

I mean, if you need CCTV for your letterbox, maybe it’s time to have a think about your life choices? I can just see the guy sitting in his living room, popcorn in hand, waiting for someone to steal his coupons!

Linda Chen

As ridiculous as this is, I'm partly on his side. If my mail went missing, I'd probably want to keep an eye on it too, but maybe a different approach is worth considering? Like a friendly neighbourhood watch instead of a security system!

Trevor McLeod

This is just classic overkill! I reckon he just needs to chat with the 'rascals' instead of spying on them. Might solve the issue without all the drama and gadgets!