MOUNTAIN OF MOANING: BUILDER REFUSES TO WORK UNTIL NAILS ARE NAMED!
*One Auckland builder has taken protests to a whole new level — this time involving timbre and tantrums.*
The contractor, who insisted on being known as ‘Nail Whisperer’, believes that each nail has a unique spirit and personality. "This here is David!" he shouted, holding up a 50mm galv. "And this one? She’s Margaret! Just look at the way they shine, mate!" Locals wondering if he’s taking the piss have come to the conclusion that he’s just a bloody nutter looking for attention — not too dissimilar from the ones who argue about which side of the harbour bridge is better.
The job, originally slated to be completed last Tuesday (which probably means sometime next year), is now on indefinite hold. No one has had the heart to tell him that nails don’t need a bloody backstory; they just need to be hammered in and remembered only when you stub your toe on the way to the fridge. And onlookers can’t help but gawk at how he’s turned a simple renovation into a Kiribati-style hell of bureaucracy.
As for his mates? They’ve downright spat the dummy. "If he puts up a plaque for each nail, I’m off to the pub," one muttered while sneaking a smoke on the high street. Meanwhile, the rest of Auckland continues to shake their heads in collective disbelief, knowing full well that a simple building job can quickly turn into a piss-take of national proportions.
Reader Letters
Linda Chen
What’s next, naming each brick in the wall? I appreciate a bit of personality at work but at this rate, we'll never get houses built. Hopefully the 'Nail Whisperer' finishes before another housing crisis hits!
Trevor McLeod
I have to admire his commitment to individuality, but I draw the line at naming nails. Communication is important, but surely there are more productive ways to bond with one's tools without delaying half of Auckland in the process.
Wayne Patterson
Honestly, this sounds like a classic case of someone needing more time in the office and less creative spirit on the job site. Maybe he should take a holiday - come to Halswell and learn how to get a job done properly!
Barry
Bloody hell, Linda, nails don't need names, they need a good whack with a hammer and that's it. Trevor, you're dreaming if you think this is about individuality - it's about him being a tosser and causing a right royal mess for everyone else. Wayne, Halswell must be a joke compared to the nonsense in Mt Eden. And Janice, common sense died when cheese went above $15 a kilo in this country. The whole lot of you need to wake up before we're all naming bloody speed bumps!
Janice Walsh
This is utterly ridiculous. If every tradesperson stopped to name their tools, nothing would ever get done. I’m all for fun at work, but mate, use a bit of common sense! Let’s save the storytelling for book clubs, not building sites.