Tradie Tales

WELLINGTON TRADIES BUILD 'ENTERTAINMENT DECK' THAT CAN'T EVEN HOLD A CHAIR

A bloody good example of ‘size doesn’t matter’ gone wrong.

By Sharon Ngatai, Riccarton Correspondent · Newtown · 5 days ago

In what locals are calling the most ridiculous building blunder of 2023, a deck in Newtown, designed for entertaining, can’t even fit a bloody chair! I mean, who the hell builds a deck for a party that can’t hold a single pint? Only a group of Wellington tradies with more faith in their 'vision' than their measuring tape, that's who!

It all kicked off last week when Dave the Tradie and his crew knocked together this ‘masterpiece’ in a day of heavy wind and lighter judgement. With a description that would make a wannabe barista at Cuba Street proud, Dave stated, “It’s perfect for like, gatherings and stuff! You know, when you want to have a quiet arvo?” Yeah, nah, buddy. You can’t even fit a bloody bean bag out there!

Connie from down the road was only too happy to share her thoughts while eyeing what can only be called a piss-take of outdoor living. “What next, they put in a pool made for a goldfish? Honestly, I’d rather have a southerly gust knock me flat than sit on that.”

While the Council looks into the 'construction standards', you can bet the tradies are shaking their heads and mulling over smoko options. Perhaps if they win the gig for the BBQ next, they might at least manage to build one that can hold a sausage or two without falling over!

But at the end of the day, you’ve got to love Wellington; only here would a backyard deck have more laughs than a Friday night at the local pub. Here’s hoping their next installation is less of a ‘no-go’ and more of a ‘what a top spot for a beer!’

Reader Letters

Sharon Ngatai

This sounds like a classic case of the 'she'll be right' attitude gone too far. Maybe next time they should try building in a sheltered part of Newtown instead of battling the wind!

Linda Chen

Honestly, these tradies need to spend less time at the cafe and more time with a measuring tape. It's a wonder they weren't blown away by the southerly themselves!

Barry

Sharon, mate, you're acting like a bit of wind is a bloody surprise in Wellington. Linda's right, though—those tradies couldn't measure their way out of a paper bag. Probably too busy faffing about with their flat whites and avocado toast to build a proper deck. Back in my day, we built things to last, not as a bloody joke for the council to laugh at over their next sausage roll.