Satire — not real news Submit a yarn
The Daily Yarn

Aotearoa's finest fabricated news

Weather Watch

NEWMARKET TRAMPOLINE FOUND IN REMUERA FRONT GARDEN, RESIDENTS DEMAND IT LEAVE

The wind giveth. Remuera would like it to taketh away again, ideally before the body corporate meeting.

A 12-foot trampoline belonging to a Newmarket family was carried several streets north by Tuesday's gusts and deposited, mostly upright, on the manicured front lawn of a Remuera villa whose owners have described the arrival as "frankly, an imposition".

The trampoline, last seen netted and pegged behind a townhouse off Broadway, made the journey sometime between the 6am weather warning and Suzanne Cartwright-Hollis stepping outside in her dressing gown to retrieve the Herald.

"I thought it was an art installation at first," Suzanne told The Daily Yarn, still holding the paper. "Then I saw the safety netting. We don't have safety netting in Remuera. We have hedges."

The Newmarket owner, Pip Tuilagi, said she'd spotted the trampoline on a neighbourhood Facebook page within the hour, captioned "does this belong to anyone, urgently". "I rang straight away. The woman who answered asked if I could collect it before her gardener arrived at ten. Bloody cheek, honestly!"

Auckland Council, asked whether wind-displaced play equipment crossed a jurisdictional line at Market Road, said the matter was "between the residents" and declined to send anyone. A spokesperson added that trampolines were "not currently a council asset class".

As of Wednesday morning the trampoline remains on the Remuera lawn. Pip's husband is borrowing a ute from a mate at Kokako (shout out to Jules behind the bar — legend!) and hopes to retrieve it before the next southerly redistributes it again.

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Spotted something like this in your area?

Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.

SUBMIT A YARN →

Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.

Reader Letters

Garry (Halswell)

Back in my day, we'd have just left it there and called it a garden feature. Too many complaints these days. Just goes to show how soft we've become.

Sandra McKenzie

Technically it wasn't a 12-foot trampoline, but a 3.65 meter one. Metric system, people! Let's keep it correct.

Trev_Hornby

Honestly, Suzanne should just enjoy the free entertainment. Nothing like bouncing around to start your day.

MumOf3_Albany

These things always seem to happen when you've got three kids late for school and the car needs a jump. Could have used that trampoline in my yard instead of explaining to the headmaster why we're late again!

BarryBishopdale

Council won't do shit about a trampoline. They won't even fill potholes on Symonds Street. Get used to it.

couchgremlin

Welcome to the trampoline games, may the wind be ever in your favour!

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Report / Takedown

Like this yarn?

Get the best one every morning.

SATIRE — Everything on this site is fabricated for entertainment. Not real news.