Community Quirks

LINWOOD SCARECROW NAMED BEST DRESSED AT FICTITIOUS AWARDS SHOW

The annual non-event leaves locals scratching their heads and giggling uncontrollably.

By Barry Hoskins, Eastern Suburbs Bureau Chief · Linwood · 2 weeks ago

In a stunning twist that shocked no one, a scarecrow from Linwood has been crowned 'Best Dressed' in the town's made-up awards night. Residents were left in stitches as they gathered by the main road to witness the glories of a truly bizarre celebration that quite literally stood stiff as a board.

Old Mabel Jenkins, known for her impressive knitting skills and uncanny ability to knit anything that moves, dressed her bearded scarecrow in a pink tutu and an oversized sunhat, making it the most fashionable thing to hit Linwood since that time the local primary school went with rainbow flags. "He’s got more personality than half the muppets in this town!" exclaimed a bemused bystander.

But scepticism looms like a woolly cloud over the prize, as the non-existent event raised questions about being socially responsible. "What’s next? An award for best imaginary friend?" huffed Constable Pearce, shaking his head as he flipped through his collection of rusty old tickets from the last non-gala.

With more awards planned for next year—rumoured to include “Best Unintentionally Designed Garden Gnome” and “Most Inspirational Concrete Cone”—the community seems ready to embrace the peculiar but utterly delightful fabric of Linwood life. Let's just hope nobody gets too serious about this business, or we might find ourselves in a very sticky situation indeed.

Reader Letters

Trevor McLeod

Honestly, I don't know what's more ridiculous, the scarecrow or the fact we’re giving it awards! I reckon my old gumboots would’ve had a better shot at winning 'Best Dressed'.

Wayne Patterson

Look, I can appreciate a good scarecrow as much as the next person, but isn’t it a bit much? Maybe we should channel our creative energy into something like fixing the potholes instead.

Linda Chen

Can’t believe we’re celebrating a scarecrow when real issues like parking spaces are still a disaster! What's next, a fashion show for garden furniture? I do love Mabel's knitting though!

Janice Walsh

While I appreciate the community spirit, I agree with Constable Pearce. Awards for imaginary friends is a step too far! We might as well start honouring shadows next!

Sharon Ngatai

I think it's fantastic that we embrace our quirky side, but seriously? Best Dressed Scarecrow? If this is where our creativity leads, I’m hoping for a Best Barking Dog award next!