PARAPARAUMU PETROL PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE DRIVEWAY
Local motorist filled up 40 litres. Received 40 metres.
Barry Hoskins
Barry has never met a seagull incident he couldn't stretch to 800 words.
LEVIN SCHOOL CAR PARK NOW A "DIPLOMATIC ZONE" AT 3PM PICKUP
Two mums haven't spoken since a wing-mirror bump in April. A third is running peace talks via WhatsApp.
PAIHIA GNOME NAMED KEITH AT CENTRE OF HENDERSON-ON-HENDERSON DISPUTE, NEITHER HENDERSON RELATED
Both families produce receipts. Neither receipt is for Keith.
MELVILLE GNOME VANISHES OVERNIGHT, NEIGHBOURLY THREAD HITS 147 REPLIES AND ZERO LEADS
Owner says the gnome, Reginald, had been on the front lawn since 2009. Theories include a possum, a magpie, and the bloke from number 42.
Keen-eyed kiwis demand solitude; Reefton's dogs not welcome
The kiwi, it seems, are not taking visitors. Particularly not the four-legged kind with opinions.
SUMNER DAIRY SELLS OUT OF HOT CHIPS DURING POWER CUT, OWNER 'NOT SURE HOW'
The fryer was off. The chips kept coming. Then they didn't.
NGONGOTAHA UNDER-11 CRICKET HALTED 22 MINUTES BY LAB NAMED BISCUIT
Umpire called dead ball. Dog wouldn't move. Dad on the boundary lost it at a teenager.
FEILDING RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND BRENDAN'S DENIAL
Builder reckons it'll see out the winter. Won't say which one.
METSERVICE PROMISES "FINE AND SETTLED" OVER WHANGANUI — ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
The cloud is described as dark and rude.
FRANKTON NOTICEBOARD LEAF-BLOWER FEUD ENTERS WEEK SIX, NEW LAMINATED REPLY APPEARS OVERNIGHT
Six A4 pages. Two highlighter colours. One corkboard near collapse.
GUYS. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO MAKE THIS ARTICLE: GONVILLE OP SHOP MUG SPARKS BIDDING WAR
A $2 mug. A queue of three. A community I have, frankly, let down.
PAK'NSAVE SPREYDON TRIALS QUEUE FOR THE QUEUE, BLAMES "FLOW MANAGEMENT"
Shoppers now line up to be told where to line up. Barry Hoskins, who remembers when you just walked in, files from Spreydon.
NEWFIELD WOMAN'S CLUBCARD POINTS WITHHELD OVER BROCCOLI SHE SWEARS WAS ON SPECIAL
The broccoli was $3.49. The points were 47. The dispute is now into its fourth visit.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS BOTANY PERGOLA 'APPROVED BY COUNCIL BUT NOT BY PHYSICS'
Fourteen months. Forty-seven witnesses. One engineer in tears. The findings are in.
TAURANGA UNDER-15 RUGBY BUS ROCKS UP TO MCLEAN PARK FOUR HOURS LATE — GPS BLAMED A FERRY
The under-15s. A Toyota Coaster. Nobody told the satnav the boat doesn't run anymore.
TE PUKE UNDER-11 REF DOWNS WHISTLE MID-GAME, CITES "SCHOOL PICKUP" AND "NOT BLOODY PAID FOR THIS"
Game abandoned at 14-all. Two dads still arguing about a forward pass nobody was there to call.
GUYS. I NEED TO ADDRESS THE 'SHREK 2' SITUATION
A Bishopdale ratepayer addresses his community after a Stoke library amnesty wiped a Mayor's overdue DVDs.
PYES PA RETIREE TRUSTS METSERVICE APP, GETS SOAKED BRINGING IN THE WASHING
The app said sunny. The cloud said otherwise. The sheets said nothing — they were already wet.
AUCKLAND OFFICE LOCKED IN THIRD-DAY STANDOFF OVER WHETHER 18 DEGREES IS A PUFFER DAY
A Christchurch correspondent looks on from four degrees and a nor'wester, weeping into a cold pie.
BROMLEY WIDOW GETS THREE CONTRADICTORY RECYCLING LETTERS FROM SAME COUNCIL IN ONE WEEK
One says yellow bin Tuesday. One says fortnightly. The third wants the bin back.