Local Cows Unimpressed With Bizarre Beef-on-Beef Diet Proposal
The paddock has gone quiet. The committee is meeting behind the trough.
An Ashburton man's proposal that beef cattle might grow better if fed beef has been met with what farmers are calling "a very still paddock".
The theory was floated over a beer at the Somerset on Tuesday. If grass-fed beef is good, the bloke reckons, then beef-fed beef must be better. He told The Daily Yarn he'd "done the maths on a coaster" and was after funding.
One cow, ear-tagged SS3949, stood motionless in the middle of the paddock for the better part of an hour on Wednesday. Owner Marlene Petrie, 58, said she'd never seen her like it. "She usually comes over for a scratch. Yesterday she just stared at me. Bloody unsettling."
Behind SS3949, four or five other cows appeared to be conferring near the trough. Marlene didn't want to read too much into it. She did note the group had "gone quiet whenever I walked past with the bucket."
A Beef + Lamb NZ spokesperson said they were "not aware of any research programme of that nature". They suggested the theory had "a couple of gaps in it." The bloke remains undeterred and is after a second coaster.
SS3949 was still standing in the same spot at time of print.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
That's one way to beef up!
Garry (Halswell)
Mate, this reminds me of my neighbour Geoff who reckons feeding chickens chicken scratch makes them geniuses. Turns out they were just pecking at sparkles in the gravel. Never stops him from trying, and neither will this bloke. Bloody characters, the lot of them.
MumOf3_Riccarton
Is nobody worried about mad cow disease? This is dangerous.
Wayne1987
Only in Ashburton! What's next, chicken feeding chicken? Completely munted.
BeefyKev
Mate, do you even know the first thing about farming? Beef-fed beef is how you get zombie cows. Basic stuff.
tired_in_riccarton
Flat article.
eco_ally
Exactly the sort of bollocks you'd expect from a bloke with a coaster and a beer, but let's be real, cows don't have meetings, mate.
FarmersFed
@eco_ally Have you never seen them around a water trough? That's pure cow conference, mate. They're plotting their escape.