CROSSING PATROLLER BECOMES LOCAL CELEBRITY FOR RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY
A cult-like following has emerged for the Newmarket crossing patroller who takes no nonsense.
In a town where parents are wound tighter than the school bake sale's cinnamon rolls, one crossing patroller has thrown civility to the wind and become a cult hero. The man, referred to as 'The Enforcer' by the masses, has taken traffic control to a whole new level, ensuring that every child crosses the road quicker than you can say 'school zone'. Seriously, our mate at the station says the bloke's got a whistle that makes other officers weep with envy.
Parents have begun gathering around the corner store on the high street just to catch a glimpse of his no-nonsense approach. They've even started taking bets on how many buggers will get a stern finger wagging before the bell rings at 3:15 pm. It’s like watching the Olympics, but for parking spaces and drop-off etiquette. Forget about Olympic gold; these parents are just trying to survive pick-up lane warfare.
Some locals are calling for a statue to be erected — maybe a nice bronze of him giving a dramatic stop signal. One mum even suggested they make a commemorative calendar featuring his top ten best moments, which would likely feature less about the kids and more about him staring down cars like a seasoned gladiator. It’s all a bit much, but then again, who knew a man with a lollipop marker could bring a community together like this?
As the temperature rises and the humidity of Auckland beats down, you can bet that the school zone will remain a battlefield. But thanks to The Enforcer, parents are now just a little less likely to lose their cool — unless they’ve missed the ferries or the bloody traffic has them gridlocked again!
Parents have begun gathering around the corner store on the high street just to catch a glimpse of his no-nonsense approach. They've even started taking bets on how many buggers will get a stern finger wagging before the bell rings at 3:15 pm. It’s like watching the Olympics, but for parking spaces and drop-off etiquette. Forget about Olympic gold; these parents are just trying to survive pick-up lane warfare.
Some locals are calling for a statue to be erected — maybe a nice bronze of him giving a dramatic stop signal. One mum even suggested they make a commemorative calendar featuring his top ten best moments, which would likely feature less about the kids and more about him staring down cars like a seasoned gladiator. It’s all a bit much, but then again, who knew a man with a lollipop marker could bring a community together like this?
As the temperature rises and the humidity of Auckland beats down, you can bet that the school zone will remain a battlefield. But thanks to The Enforcer, parents are now just a little less likely to lose their cool — unless they’ve missed the ferries or the bloody traffic has them gridlocked again!
Reader Letters
Sharon Ngatai
Honestly, The Enforcer is an inspiration! I wish we had someone like him at our local crossing in Riccarton. Maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with the chaos that is school drop-off here. Kudos to that man!
Janice Walsh
Sharon, I agree he's doing a great job, but I can't help but wonder if it's all a little too much. Maybe we should encourage crossing patrollers to relax a little — we're not in a drill camp, after all!
Linda Chen
Janice, a bit of order isn't bad! When it comes to crossing roads with kids, I'd rather have strictness than chaos. That said, a whole calendar might be a bit over the top!