MOSGIEL PRINCIPAL TELLS PARENTS TO 'DREAM ON' IN POETIC NEWSLETTER

In a shocking display of poetic prowess, the principal of Mosgiel’s local primary school has unleashed a literary tirade upon the hapless parents, all disguised as a 'friendly' newsletter. Parents who thought they were merely reading about hot lunch days and lost property were instead treated to verses suggesting that dreams of better funding are as fanciful as winning Powerball. Choices, choices, she wrote, 'Do we buy those fancy widgets or keep the lights on?' – a true cliffhanger.

Margaret Henderson, who couldn't help but roll her eyes so hard she nearly saw Gerald’s ghost, says, 'What a bloody cheek! Not every parent can sell their prized possessions just to keep up with the Joneses and their gaudy bake sales.' Yes, it seems the gift of rhyme is not free, especially when it’s gifted with a side of guilt.

The newsletter went on to suggest that contributions to the 'Dream Big Fund' should be as generous as the scribbler's imagination — a not-so-subtle hint that these parents should dig deeper, as if the last contribution to the sausage sizzle wasn’t already a decent stab at bankrolling a new library.

With the cold snap settling over Dunedin, many locals have responded by wrapping their scarves just a bit tighter, in solidarity with what they describe as a 'bloody shameful' state of school fundraising. One parent, who preferred anonymity, remarked, 'It’s a bloody muppet show—how about some heartfelt prose about the school’s actual activities instead?'

Maybe we should just leave the poetry to Shakespeare and get back to focusing on ensuring our kids actually learn something rather than becoming unwitting contributors to a wannabe poet's mid-life crisis.