ARROWTOWN PTA MEETING ENTERS SEVENTH HOUR AS WELLINGTON MOTHER REFUSES TO LEAVE
She brought her own oat milk. She brought her own opinions. She brought a two-litre thermos.
Margaret Henderson
Margaret has covered suburban Christchurch for forty years and believes every fence dispute is a constitutional crisis.
PUKEKOHE DECLARES QUIET PANIC OVER MILDLY WARM WIND, ONION GROWERS BLAME AUCKLAND
A breeze rolled in off the Bombays and half the town went inside. The other half posted about it.
WHITBY MAN INSTALLS FOUR-CAMERA CCTV RIG TO WATCH LETTERBOX NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED TO
Neighbours say the letterbox has been assaulted zero times in eleven years. Trevor disagrees, in advance.
KARORI SCARECROW NAMED BEST DRESSED AT AWARDS NIGHT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN
The sash is real. The ceremony was not. Nobody can explain the certificate.
OPOHO WOMAN'S UMBRELLA LASTS FOUR SECONDS, BLAMES SCIENCE
The umbrella was from Invercargill. The wind was from Opoho. Neither party is speaking.
GUYS. I HAVE TO ADDRESS THE UMBRELLA SITUATION.
A Northcote content creator's tearful apology after a Southland-branded umbrella inverted on Cranford Street.
TARADALE BRACES FOR SNOW THAT HAS NEVER FALLEN THERE
MetService said the word once. The New World is now out of bread.
WAINONI GNOME CUSTODY BATTLE ENTERS THIRD WEEK, TWO HENDERSON FAMILIES REFUSE TO SPEAK AT LETTERBOX
Keith the gnome has been photographed on both lawns. Neither Henderson will say who moved him last.
HALSWELL WOMAN LOCKED OUT OF AUCKLAND COUNCIL PORTAL DESPITE LIVING 800KM AWAY
The portal has rejected fourteen passwords. One was the portal's own suggestion.
RUATORIA PLUMBER PULLS FOURTH GNOME FROM SAME DRAIN, RECKONS IT'S PERSONAL
The gnome had a fishing rod. The pipe had three litres of standing water.
KMART HAMILTON'S 'TREASURE HUNT' REVEALED TO BE STAFF SIMPLY LOSING THINGS
Store insists misplaced stock is a 'family activity'. Shoppers reckon it's the same as every other Tuesday.
QUEENSTOWN POTHOLE REPORTED TO NAPIER APP BY MISTAKE, GETS MORE SYMPATHY THAN QLDC HAS OFFERED IN A DECADE
Ratepayer meant to email QLDC. Ended up on a Hawke's Bay portal that at least had the decency to lie kindly.
REDWOOD PLAYGROUND SHUT FOR 'ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE' — NOBODY AT COUNCIL WILL SAY WHAT THAT IS
Christchurch City Council has closed a working slide behind orange netting for reasons nobody can define in under 400 words.
CARTERTON UMBRELLA LASTS EIGHT SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE
You didn't hear it from me. Heard it off Kev at the Carterton Club, Thursday. Maybe Wednesday.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, HOPE, AND ONE BLOKE NAMED SHANE
Engineer says it's 'not technically a wall anymore' but concedes it's still doing wall things.
OPOTIKI RATEPAYER BILLED $340 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT, HAS NEVER, AND WILL NOT EXIST
Ōpōtiki District Council insists the invoice is correct. The pipe insists on nothing, being imaginary.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KARORI 'CLOSING DOWN' SIGN HAS BEEN CLOSING DOWN SINCE 2016
Commissioner satisfied the shop is not, in fact, closing down.
HAMILTON WEST WOMAN GETS THREE COUNCIL LETTERS ABOUT BINS, NONE OF THEM AGREE
One says yellow lid. One says red lid. One thanks her for joining a trial she's never heard of.
Jogger in Cashmere stirs online frenzy with unexpected route artwork
The route, three kilometres of poor decisions, has been described by the runner as 'a sunset loop'. It is not.
OPUNAKE PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS FIRST DECENT SOUTHERLY
The consent says yes. The four-by-two says no. Gravity got the final word.