KARORI UNDER-10S CLUB NAMES PLAYER OF THE DAY WHO WAS AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY IN JOHNSONVILLE
Kid hadn't kicked a ball. Hadn't laced a boot. Got the chocolate fish anyway.
A Karori junior football club has awarded its under-10 Player of the Day to a child who was, at the time of the match, eating fairy bread at a birthday party in Johnsonville.
The recipient, eight-year-old Felix Marston-Doyle, was named on the sideline whiteboard after a 4-1 loss to Brooklyn. His last training appearance was in late July. His mum collected the chocolate fish on his behalf. She thanked the coach in the team WhatsApp before anyone mentioned Felix was in a different suburb.
"Bloody shambles," said one dad, Reuben Carmichael. He'd watched his own son play the full sixty in a southerly that took the corner flags off the deck. "My boy ran himself into the ground. Got a clap. Felix got the fish and Felix was at a fucking laser tag party. Explain that to me."
The coach, a public servant who asked to be identified as "Coach Stu", said the award was "about effort across the season, not just the game." Asked whether Felix had been to training in the past month, Stu admitted he had not. He said Felix's vibe was "really positive when he is here."
A second parent, Bridie Halloran of Karori West, was less diplomatic. "It's because his old man's on the committee. That's the whole fucking story. Write that down." She then asked us not to write that down.
Felix is reportedly stoked with the chocolate fish. His mum has put it in the pantry for after dinner. Brooklyn's coach, contacted for comment, laughed for eleven seconds and hung up.
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Reader Letters
tired_in_karori
This is the reason our local clubs are going to hell in a handbasket. Why bother showing up? Just send your Fairies Across Wellington on Saturdays for Player of the Day!
BarryBishopdale
@tired_in_karori You're right, mate. Next they'll just start posting trophies to kids who moved to Australia. Real nonsense.
Trev_Johnsonville
Lol can't blame the kid for chasing fairy bread instead of freezing on the pitch. I would too at his age.
Margaret_F
Back in my day, you had to earn your chocolate fish by actually participating. Effort meant being in the game, not just having a 'positive vibe'.
soccer_superdad
Classic example of the committee cronies keeping it all in the family, mate. Felix's dad must have Stu by the balls on this one.
Just_Saying_Karori
I live near the park and too often they hand out Player of the Day like it's participation in a medical trial—just for signing up. It's bizarre.