BLOODY LEMON TREE BRAWL BREAKS OUT IN GLADSTONE!

In what could only be described as the most Southland thing ever, neighbours in Gladstone have found themselves bickering over a shared lemon tree, causing tensions to bubble like a pot of boiling oysters. Resident Bob Jenkins claims the tree is on his side of the boundary line, while across the fence, Doris McLeod is adamant that her late husband planted that lemon tree in the first place — a heartwarming tale obscured by the acrid tang of passive-aggressive notes left on the fence.

"Honestly, it's a bloody lemon tree, not the Crown jewels!" muttered Jenkins as he surveyed the pile of yellow fruit accumulating by his back door. "I just wanted a glass of lemonade without a feud, but here we are. She even left a note accusing me of stealing her lemons. I mean, what’s next, accusations of having her wallpaper?"

Residents have taken to sides, some rallying behind Jenkins, arguing he’s being treated like a right muppet, while others support McLeod, saying she deserves the lemons because they were the last gift from her late husband. “It’s all rather choice, in a tragic way,” noted local gossip and self-appointed dispute mediator Fiona Grant, who is now selling lemonade outside her house for ten bucks a cup, calling it ‘Lemon Love Juice’.

Meanwhile, Constable Dave Pearce from the local police station is investigating, although he remarked that he would prefer to spend his Saturday watching old rugby matches than mediating a lemon-related debacle. “It's a shame they couldn't settle this over a cup of tea,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “But then again, it’s Invercargill — reason and common sense take a back seat to local fruit rivalries.”