ISLAND BAY RESIDENT GOES FULL SLIM SHADY OVER DOG POO

In a move best described as the canine version of a war declaration, a local resident in Island Bay has taken it upon themselves to flood the letterboxes with passive-aggressive missives about dog poo. Word on the street is that this person must have some serious time on their hands, given the volume of notes circulating around like bad gossip in the local café.

One particularly scathing note read: “Dear dog owner, your pet's leavings are not a special gift for my roses.” Well, isn't that just a bloody strong stance? Like Gerald used to say, some folks really need to learn how to chill – perhaps with a nice cup of chamomile instead of carrying on like a pork chop.

Nearby residents are split between those supporting the crusader for cleaner footpaths and those who think it’s a bit of a tosser move. “Honestly, who has time to write notes? Just pick it up, mate!” exclaimed a local pushing a pram, clearly already knackered from battling the relentless wind.

As the tension brews in this corner of Wellington, one has to wonder how far this little feud will go. Will the next note escalate to full-blown threats of sprinkling some luxurious fertiliser in front of the offender's gate? It wouldn’t be the first time a dog owner’s negligence prompted a neighbourhood feud, but one can always hope for civility—yet that, dear readers, seems as scarce as a calm day on Cuba Street.