PAPAMOA CAT TAKEN FOR MUGSHOT BY NEIGHBOURLY POLL

In a scandal that even the local cats are talking about, a Papamoa cat has found itself at the centre of a Neighbourly poll as a 'person of interest'. Yes, you heard that right — a cat. Residents are now on high alert, with some claiming they’ve seen this feline lurking around the BBQs on the beachfront and eyeing up their fish and chips like it’s the last buffet on Earth.

Apparently, the cat, dubbed 'Sir Fluffington', has been accused of perpetrating a number of audacious crimes, ranging from thieving garden gnomes to engaging in unsolicited late-night meowing. One local, who wished to remain anonymous because he’s too embarrassed to admit he even participates in these polls, said, "I've seen this wee shit trying to break into my shed! Must be a bloody mastermind or something."

Meanwhile, Constable Dave Pearce, my mate at the station, has assured the public that while they’re still waiting for a formal statement, they’ve deemed the cat a low-key threat — lower than your average calibre rogue, but higher than a rogue potato peel in the rubbish. "We’ve got bigger fish to fry, but if the locals insist, we might need to set up a sting operation."

The Papamoa Police recommend everyone keep their gnomes and fish and chips under tight security. After all, in a town where even the house prices are a shade on the criminal side, it’s best to be cautious. The last thing anyone needs is a twelve-pound cat running the neighbourhood.