DEVONPORT SITE FOREMAN HALTS SMOKO TO LECTURE CREW ON PIE TEMPERATURE
The pies were from the Vauxhall Four Square. The clipboard was from head office. Neither side enjoyed it.
A health and safety officer stopped a Devonport renovation crew's 10am smoko on Tuesday to deliver what witnesses called "a fucking sermon" about the internal temperature of mince and cheese pies.
The crew, four blokes refitting a villa off Vauxhall Road, were three bites in when the officer produced a laminated card and started reading. My late Gerald built half the houses on this peninsula without ever laminating a thing.
"Cunt rocks up with a thermometer," said builder Reuben Falepau, 34. "A thermometer. For a pie. From the Four Square. If it burns the roof of your mouth it's hot enough. That's the rule."
The officer, who declined to give his name but did give his LinkedIn, said it was "a routine toolbox talk on hot food handling". He claimed two pies had been left on a sawhorse "in direct sun" for six minutes. Apprentice Caleb Witana said the sawhorse was under a tarp. "It's October in Auckland. The sun's a rumour."
A spokesperson for the contracting firm said the talk would be "logged" and that pie protocols were "under review". They did not clarify what a pie protocol was. My son's new girlfriend would call this "important workplace culture", which tells you everything.
The crew has shifted smoko to the ute with the windows up. Reuben's pie, abandoned on the sawhorse, was eaten by a seagull at 10.41am. The seagull has not been spoken to.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Takapuna
What a load of bollocks. Health and safety gone mad over a bloody pie. Back in the day, you'd burn your mouth and call it character building.
wayward_wendy
Lol. Seagulls have better taste than bureaucrats.
MumOf3_Northcote
Honestly, I'm more concerned about the fact it's a mince and cheese pie. Should we not be encouraging healthier options for our workers?
Barry_Invercargill
Typical Auckland. Too much sunshine and too little common sense.
safety_first_Sam
To be fair, food safety can be serious. I once got food poisoning from a sausage roll. That said, a pie sermon seems a bit over the top.
pie_lord
Mate, those sausage rolls will get you every time. Stick to pies from the Four Square, they’re safer than your local servo’s rolls!