KARORI BUILDER INSISTS GAPING HOLE IN ROOF IS 'VENTILATION, BRO'

A Karori roofer has spent the better part of Tuesday morning explaining to a homeowner that the dinner-plate-sized hole above her kitchen is, in fact, a feature.

The roofer, who introduced himself to The Daily Yarn as Macca and declined to provide a surname or a GST number, said the hole was "passive ventilation, bro" and that the homeowner needed to "chill the fuck out about it".

"Houses gotta breathe, ay," Macca said, standing on a ladder eating a mince and cheese from the Karori Mall bakery. "You block that off, you get mould. You get mould, you get the council. You get the council, you're rooted. I'm doing her a favour."

The homeowner, Prue Ashworth-Davies, said she had paid Macca $4,800 cash for a re-roof in March and the hole had appeared "some time around the second southerly". She said she'd called Macca eleven times. Macca said his phone had been "on the blink, but in a spiritual way".

A Wellington City Council building inspector arrived on site mid-interview, took one look at the roof, and began writing on a clipboard. Macca described the inspector as "exactly the sort of munter who's never lifted a hammer" and packed up his ute, which had no signwriting and one number plate.

Macca's apprentice, a 19-year-old named Tane who Dave will say is a good cunt and deserves better, remained on the roof eating the rest of the pie. The hole, as of filing, is still ventilating. So is the kitchen ceiling. So is the lounge.