Tradie Tales

LOCAL TRADIE CLAIMS ROOF HOLE IS 'VENTILATION, BRO'

*A bold new interpretation of architectural design has hit Karori, and it’s blowing through like a southerly squall.*

By Barry Hoskins, Eastern Suburbs Bureau Chief · Karori · 3 weeks ago

A Karori tradie has sparked a local debate by insisting that a massive hole in a client’s roof is merely a ‘ventilation feature’. Dave, a self-proclaimed roofing expert and dedicated fan of Tuesday timelines, claims it's a ‘piss-take’ to suggest otherwise. 'It’s modern architecture, mate. Fresh air all the way,' he stated, while balancing precariously on a beam almost as fragile as his argument.

Witnesses say the hole looks more like a portal to the bloody void than anything functional, but Dave remained unfazed, asserting, 'Like, just let the wind do its thing. It’s Wellington, bro. Wind is basically our mascot.' His client, not surprisingly, seemed less than impressed and described the situation as ‘rooted’.

Local bystander Margaret Henderson jumped in, saying, 'It’s just a bloody hole! I’ve seen less gaps in my retirement fund!' Clearly unimpressed, she added, 'Dismantling it would be easier than convincing my husband to fix the bloody fence.'

As Dave assured curious onlookers that the job would be completed ‘soon’, the nearby café was forced to cover their outdoor seating once again, knowing full well that the next southerly wouldn’t just blow through — it might redefine everything south of Cuba Street for months.

Reader Letters

Wayne Patterson

I've seen less questionable architecture in my mate's DIY projects after a few too many. I'd rather pay for a solid roof than a 'ventilation feature', thanks.

Janice Walsh

Honestly, who needs a roof when you can have a breezy living room? Next thing you know, they'll be charging admission for the view of the sky.

Sharon Ngatai

Sure, let’s just call a hole in the roof ‘modern’. My cat has a better design sense. I hope Dave’s not running our council’s next public works project!

Trevor McLeod

Absolutely ridiculous! If Wind is our mascot, then Dave's massive hole is basically giving the wind a VIP pass. Can’t wait for winter; let’s see how ‘great’ that ventilation is then!