Tradie Tales

MOSGIEL PERGOLA APPROVED, PHYSICS STANDS IN DISBELIEF

This council-approved structure has left tradies scratching their heads and residents shaking their fists.

By Margaret Henderson, Senior Correspondent · Mosgiel · 6 days ago

A local Mosgiel resident’s dream pergola has quickly turned into a bloody spectacular piss-take as council approvals clash with the laws of physics. The structure, which many are dubbing a 'cloud of despair', manages to look like it defies gravity while staying upright—at least for now. It seems our fine council has given the green light without checking if it would actually hold up a bunch of bloody scaffolders during a smoko break!

Dave the Tradie, a local who shall remain nameless mostly because he’s too busy shaking his head, said he couldn’t believe his eyes, claiming it's 'rooted in bad taste'. 'The bloody thing looks like it was designed during a bender. Who thought balancing a roof on a couple of toothpicks was a good idea? Gerald would've had a right laugh at this!' he added, sipping on his lukewarm coffee.

Residents are downright agitated—like a bad hangover that just won’t quit. 'It’s as if someone spat the dummy with the design!' stormed Margaret, a local scarfie and part-time philosopher, as she gestured wildly, 'But if it collapses, at least we’ll know where to send the complaints!'

As the cold winds of Dunedin whip around this architect’s nightmare, you can almost hear physics chuckling in an annoyed tone. City planners have either spat in the face of gravity or are just keen to see if Mosgiel will become the new epicentre of structural failures. Only time will tell if this pergola will stand the test of weather—or if it'll just be another bloody joke in the annals of Mosgiel lore.

Reader Letters

Linda Chen

Honestly, this whole situation is a classic case of 'do now, think later.' I guess it's not surprising, considering the council's love for bureaucratic gymnastics.

Janice Walsh

Oh, but imagine the view from that bespoke rooftop! You must hand it to them for having such ambition, even if the laws of physics aren't exactly invited to the grand opening.

Barry

Trevor's talking matchsticks, but let's be real—it's the bloody council's fault, innit? They're too busy plotting new speed bumps and not fixing potholes. And Linda, you're spot on about the 'do now, think later'—same motto used when they buggered up street names in Christchurch!

Trevor McLeod

This is what happens when creativity gets ahead of common sense. I'd love to know who convinced them that a few matchsticks could hold up a roof!