MT EDEN BUILDER NAMES EVERY NAIL ON SITE, REFUSES TO HAMMER UNTIL GREETED PROPERLY

A licensed builder working on a villa off Mt Eden Road has refused to start work on three consecutive mornings until each nail in his tool belt has been greeted by name.

The builder, identified as Marlon Petty, 41, of West Auckland, keeps roughly 340 framing nails in a leather pouch. Each has a name. Names sighted on his manifest, kept in a Warehouse Stationery exercise book, include Brendan, Lisa-Marie, Geoffrey, and a 90mm nail known only as "The Colonel".

Apprentice Kane Ruakere, 19, told The Daily Yarn the morning routine had become "a fucking ordeal, ay". "He lines them up on the trestle. You've gotta say good morning to each one. I missed Lisa-Marie on Tuesday and he made me apologise to her in front of the sparky."

The foreman, located at a pie cart in Kingsland, confirmed the job was eleven weeks behind. "Marlon's a good cunt and his framing's straight," he said. "But I can't keep telling the GIB man we're delayed because Geoffrey wasn't feeling heard."

This correspondent attended the site. Mr Petty declined to comment until I had been introduced to a jolthead named Patricia. Patricia did not respond. Mr Petty said that was "on me, not her".

Framing on the rear extension remains incomplete. The Colonel has been demoted to the offcuts bucket for insubordination. The homeowner has been seen Googling "can you fire a builder mid-job NZ". Per my mate at the station, technically yes — but Marlon has the only key to the lockbox.