CARTERTON UMBRELLA LASTS EIGHT SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE
You didn't hear it from me. Heard it off Kev at the Carterton Club, Thursday. Maybe Wednesday.
Right. Three sips into a Speights and Kev walks in shaking his head. Reckons some bloke on the main street had a brand-new brolly inverted in under ten seconds. Bought it in Invercargill, apparently. Long story about visiting his sister down south. Don't ask.
Eight seconds, Kev said. Now Kev's been known to embellish. Ask him about the eel he caught in '98. Allegedly. But the point stands — the umbrella was buggered before the poor sod got across Holloway Street.
The bloke, Trevor or Terry, one of the two, stood on the footpath holding what Kev called "a metal spider". Told anyone who'd listen it was climate change. Climate change. In Carterton. My late husband Gerald would've said it was just Wairarapa doing what Wairarapa does, which is blow sideways for no reason.
The woman from the wine shop popped her head out. This bit I got off another mate, mind. She told Trevor-or-Terry that Invercargill umbrellas are built for Invercargill wind. Different wind entirely, she reckoned. Bottom-of-the-map wind. I wouldn't know.
Council hasn't commented. Umbrella's still in the hedge outside the op shop, last I heard. My son's new girlfriend would call it a vibe. She calls everything a vibe.
(takes a sip) Anyway. Where was I.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Wind here is like living in a wind tunnel.
couchgremlin
Lol.
Garry (Halswell)
It's not bloody climate change, it's just the usual windy nonsense we've got. We've lived in the Wairarapa long enough to know you never buy cheap umbrellas. It's simple really. You want to stay dry, you get yourself a proper coat or you'll end up like Trevor-or-Terry with a twisted mess!
Sandra McKenzie
Maybe the council should install umbrella lockers around town, so they don't take off when the wind kicks up. Costly mistake buying from outside the region.
BarryBishopdale
Sandra, you seriously expect the council to foot the bill for umbrella lockers? We've got bigger fish to fry like potholes that swallow cars whole!
tired_in_riccarton
Typical Wairarapa summer, though, right? All wind and no rain, just making us look like we can't handle a brolly. I bet that Invercargill one was built like a tank, but it doesn’t stand a chance here.
wayne1987
It's not about the umbrella, it's about the bloke blaming the weather for bad choices. You all need to stop pointing fingers!
MumOf3_Carterton
Wayne, let people complain if they want! Umbrellas shouldn't be turning into modern art sculptures on a drizzly day.