GLADSTONE UMBRELLA LASTS SEVEN SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE AND ALSO HIS WIFE
The umbrella was new. It is now a sculpture.
A Gladstone man's brand-new umbrella inverted itself within seven seconds of leaving the house on Tuesday morning, prompting the owner to blame, in order: climate change, the Warehouse, and his wife Pauline.
Owner Doug Petersen, 58, said he'd bought the umbrella the previous afternoon specifically because Pauline had told him to. "She said I'd catch my death walking to the car. I said the car's eight metres away. She bought the umbrella anyway. Bloody thing turned itself inside out before I'd even cleared the letterbox."
A neighbour across the road, Lorraine Sutherland, said she'd watched the whole thing from her kitchen window. "It went up, it went sideways, it went the wrong way round, and then Doug just stood there holding the stick. Like a man with a dead jellyfish."
A MetService spokesperson confirmed Tuesday's wind was "within seasonal norms for Southland" and that umbrellas were "generally not recommended south of Gore". Asked whether climate change was a factor, they said the wind had been doing this since before climate change was invented.
Pauline, contacted for comment, said Doug should've worn the Swanndri like a normal person. The umbrella has been placed in the green bin, where it no longer fits.
Owner Doug Petersen, 58, said he'd bought the umbrella the previous afternoon specifically because Pauline had told him to. "She said I'd catch my death walking to the car. I said the car's eight metres away. She bought the umbrella anyway. Bloody thing turned itself inside out before I'd even cleared the letterbox."
A neighbour across the road, Lorraine Sutherland, said she'd watched the whole thing from her kitchen window. "It went up, it went sideways, it went the wrong way round, and then Doug just stood there holding the stick. Like a man with a dead jellyfish."
A MetService spokesperson confirmed Tuesday's wind was "within seasonal norms for Southland" and that umbrellas were "generally not recommended south of Gore". Asked whether climate change was a factor, they said the wind had been doing this since before climate change was invented.
Pauline, contacted for comment, said Doug should've worn the Swanndri like a normal person. The umbrella has been placed in the green bin, where it no longer fits.