BISHOPDALE CRICKET DAD DEMANDS UMPIRE MOVE THE SUN
Under-13 match held up 22 minutes while bloke explains astronomy to a teenager in a hat.
A Bishopdale father halted an under-13 cricket match at Burnside Park on Saturday. His grievance: the sun was in the wrong fucking spot.
Grant Vellenoweth, 44, was not happy his son was batting into glare at the northern end. He demanded the umpire do something. The umpire, Jayden, is 16. Jayden looked at the sky, then at his shoes.
"It's a nor'west sun. Shouldn't be sitting there at this hour," Vellenoweth told The Daily Yarn. "I've played club cricket for twenty-two years. That sun is wrong. Someone needs to sort it."
A second parent, Donna from two cars down, said Grant had been "carrying on like a pork chop since the coin toss". He had earlier tried to shove the sightscreen on wheels it did not have. "He's a tosser," she added, "but he brings the orange quarters."
Jayden offered Grant's son a wider cap from the kit bag. Grant rejected this as "a band-aid on a structural issue". Play resumed when Grant's wife told him, audibly, to sit down or walk home.
The sun continued to rise in the east. Grant's son was out for 4, caught at mid-off, in shade.
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Reader Letters
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we taught our kids to play in any bloody conditions! This would've never happened in the 80s. We'd squint and get on with it.
Debbie_Seagrove
Get a grip, Grant! It's a kid's game, not the bloody test match. Let the kids have fun and learn.
BarryBishopdale
I bet this Vellenoweth fellow owns a cricket club chair and thinks it makes him the boss of the sun. Wankers like that ruin the game.
Trev_Hornby
Mate, the sun's been around for a few billion years. It's not moving for anyone, not even Grant the Great. Chill.
cricket_fanatic_86
Lol, absurd! The sun is a structural issue now? I reckon Grant needs a crash course in astronomy and a bloody hobby.
couchgremlin
Oranges are gross.