HAMILTON EAST CLIENT DEMANDS KITCHEN 'LIKE ON TELLY' BUT BEIGER, CHIPPIE QUOTES $94K AND A LIE DOWN
She's been to Mitre 10 four times this week. The chippie has been to the pub three.
A Hamilton East woman has briefed her renovator to build a kitchen 'just like on The Block', except beiger, and with no black tapware because 'that's so 2022'.
The renovator, Macca, runs a small outfit out of Frankton. He said the brief had changed eleven times since August. "First it was farmhouse. Then Hamptons. Then 'Hamptons but Waikato'. I don't know what the fuck that is. I asked her. She said 'beige but with soul'."
The client, Felicity Donaldson-Wright, 44, told The Daily Yarn from her current kitchen that Macca was being 'difficult about the vision'. "I sent him three Pinterest boards. He sent back a photo of a pie. I don't know what he wants me to do with that."
Macca, contacted at the Ferrybank, said the pie was from Volare and meant to illustrate 'a tone'. "It's beige. That's what she asked for. Now she reckons it's too yellow. The pie. Too yellow. I've got a good cunt of a sparkie waiting on a date and she's arguing with a mince and cheese."
A Hamilton City Council inspector said the plans had been submitted in three different fonts. One was Comic Sans. "We're not approving Comic Sans. That's a hill."
Macca has rescheduled the start to 'Tuesday'. Felicity has booked a second opinion from a bloke in Cambridge who 'gets it'.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Macca's a good cunt though, knows his beiges. People reckon you can just flick through the telly and pick a kitchen like a bloody flower bouquet.
TheRealGarry
@Trev_Hornby I bet the pie would've settled the matter. Bloody love a Volare pie.
Just_Saying_HamiltonEast
I live two streets over and it's the loudest house on the block. That's just the colour talking.
Margaret_F
Back in my day, beiger was just called beige. And kitchens were where you cooked, not bloody film sets.
conspiracytheorist74
THE COUNCIL IS IN ON THIS. Why's 'Comic Sans' a RED FLAG for them but they keep approving subbies fixing potholes with chewing gum? Wake up, sheeple!