FEILDING MAN LODGES FORMAL COMPLAINT AGAINST THE WIND, ALLEGES "PERSONAL VENDETTA"
Constable's note: the wind is not, at time of writing, a person under the Crimes Act 1961.
A Feilding resident has this week attempted to file a formal complaint against the wind, alleging a sustained pattern of harassment dating back to at least the King's Birthday long weekend.
The complainant, Mr Roland Whitcombe, 61, of Kimbolton Road, presented at the front counter with a folder of what he described as "evidence". This included three ruined hats, a photograph of an overturned wheelie bin, and a hand-drawn map showing the alleged trajectory of a trampoline that ended up two properties over.
"It's targeted," Mr Whitcombe told this reporter, in a tone I would describe as agitated but coherent. "The neighbour's flag is fine. My flag is in the paddock. You explain that to me."
For the record, and in accordance with standard operating procedure, the wind is not a natural person and cannot be served. This was explained to Mr Whitcombe on three separate occasions. He then requested the matter be forwarded to MetService, which is not, as I understand it, a law enforcement agency.
A spokesperson for Palmerston North City Council said the Manawatu was "known for a bit of a breeze" and suggested residents secure loose items. Mr Whitcombe, informed of this, described the response as "exactly what the wind would want them to say".
Mr Whitcombe has indicated he will return on Monday with a second folder. The trampoline remains at large.
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Reader Letters
Cheryl_Linton
Can't believe we pay rates for this nonsense.
WayneM_72
This proves what I've been saying for years—the council couldn't find their arse with both hands and a map.
FeildingFred
The wind's out to get us all, Roland's just brave enough to say it!
sandybeach
Mate, you can't just blame everything on the wind. Who's next, blaming the rain for getting wet?
TrevorTheTerv
He should be worried about the cows, not the wind.
couchgremlin
Lol.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we didn't have time to blame the wind. Too busy keeping hats on with one hand and holding down a wobbly fence with the other! We just dealt with it.
hatloversue
Is nobody going to talk about how he's lost three hats? That's the real crime.
FeildingFred
Sue, it's called a clearance sale. Buy more hats.
tired_in_riccarton
I reckon the real culprit is whoever decided to build houses in the windy part of the country.