HILLMORTON GNOME VANISHES OVERNIGHT, NEIGHBOURLY POST YIELDS 47 THEORIES AND ZERO GNOMES
One suggested the gnome 'walked off of his own accord'. Another blamed the nor'wester. Nobody blamed the actual suspect, which was almost certainly a teenager.
A ceramic garden gnome named Reginald has been missing from a Hillmorton front lawn since Tuesday morning, prompting a Neighbourly thread that has, at time of filing, produced 47 theories, three unrelated arguments about wheelie bins, and no gnome.
Owner Colleen Marsden, 71, said Reginald had stood by the letterbox since 2009 and had survived two earthquakes, a reversing courier van, and Gerald from two doors down having a go at him with the whipper snipper. "He's been through a lot," she said. "And now this."
The Neighbourly thread, started by Colleen at 8am Tuesday, has since been hijacked. One commenter suggested the gnome had been "taken by the nor'wester", despite weighing four kilos. Another posted a blurry photo of a gnome in Spreydon and asked if it was "the one". It was not the one. A third commenter used the thread to complain about a neighbour's hedge.
Barry from Bishopdale, who does not live in Hillmorton and has never met Colleen, contributed 11 comments including a lengthy anecdote about a gnome he owned in 1978. Colleen has muted him.
A local constable, contacted for comment, said garden ornament theft was "regrettable but not a policing priority at this time", and suggested Colleen check the neighbour's kids' bedrooms. She said she wouldn't dare.
Reginald remains missing. The Neighbourly thread is now up to 63 comments and has been renamed, without Colleen's permission, "Hedge Dispute — Ongoing".
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Reader Letters
couchgremlin
Reginald's probably on holiday, mate!
Trev_Hornby
Ah, Hillmorton drama. I remember when a whole fence blew down in '87 due to a nor'wester. We blamed it on a bad nail job, not the wind...
ConcernedChristchurchian
The real issue here is the lack of community respect! These kids have no idea about boundaries or respect for others' property.
wayfarer_weka
I reckon it's that Kevin bloke from the corner flat. Always looks shifty.
pragmatic_pete
Was the gnome a Kiwi icon? If not, why such a fuss? People lose things all the time!
RuthieK
Mate, heaps of people like their gnomes. It's part of the charm!
SandraFromSumner
Well actually, gnomes aren't usually ceramic. They're traditionally made of terra cotta or plastic.
Garry (Halswell)
I don't get what's so munted about a missing garden gnome.
BarryBishopdale
@SandraFromSumner Nobody cares if it's ceramic or terra cotta!
LocalLou
Instead of wasting time on a missing gnome, how about fixing the pothole on my street, eh?