Cycle Lanes to Steam Engines: Woolston's Quirky Future Plans

In a peculiar twist on modern urban planning, Woolston Council has floated the idea of reviving the suburb's industrial past to boost employment and kerb road cone proliferation. The plan, discussed at length in their latest meeting, involves re-establishing the famous Woolston Tanneries, albeit without the vintage carriages and chimneys billowing more than promises.

Local history buff Pauline St. John is cautiously optimistic. "Back then, you knew where you stood with taxes and soot," she remarked. "Smokestacks were just part of the view, like unopened emails today."

Bruce Aitken, a Woolston local with his finger firmly on the pulse of local lore, reckons it's a piss-take but typical. "Council holds more meetings than actual progress," he scoffed. "I'd bet a pint they'll discuss steampunk coffee fees next."

Officials are noncommittal about the practicalities. A council spokesperson mentioned that "chimneys could reduce our reliance on cones", but failed to elaborate how.

As council deliberates, residents are half-expecting cycle lanes to lead straight to steam engines. Bruce has reportedly started collecting vintage hats just in case.