OPOTIKI RATEPAYER BILLED $340 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT, HAS NEVER, AND WILL NOT EXIST
Ōpōtiki District Council insists the invoice is correct. The pipe insists on nothing, being imaginary.
Right. I'm down at the Star the other night and a mate of a mate tells me this fella out the Gladstone end of Ōpōtiki's just been slapped with a $340 charge for a stormwater pipe. Not broken. Not blocked. Not there.
Bloke's lived on the section for donkey's years. Dug the whole quarter-acre himself putting in a lemon tree. No pipe. His dog's sure of it too, apparently. That's the level of certainty we're dealing with.
So he rings Ōpōtiki District Council, as you would. Woman on the phone tells him the pipe is "on the schedule" and the charge is "per the schedule." He says there's no pipe. She says the schedule says there is. Round and round for twenty minutes until she puts him through to someone who's on smoko until Tuesday.
A council spokesperson later told the desk the invoice was generated by "an asset management system upgrade" and residents with concerns should "submit a query via the online portal." The portal, I'm told, charges you three dollars for the privilege. Bloody consultants, the lot of them. Same mob who did the roundabout, I'd wager.
My son's new girlfriend reckons this wouldn't happen if we all had rainwater tanks. Course she does. Meanwhile the bloke's been told the pipe will be "inspected in the next maintenance window," which is March. They'll turn up, find nothing, and charge him for the visit. You watch.
He hasn't paid. Council's added a late fee. Cheers.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Council gone mad, mate!
Karen_Taranaki
This is like that time they charged us for water usage during a drought. Honestly, the whole billing system must be rooted. They need to sort their shit out.
MatthewA
You lot need to chill. Imagine how hard it must be to manage a council billing system. Mistakes happen.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, councils wouldn't dare pull this kind of piss-take. Rates were reasonable and actual work was done. What are we paying for now? Emails and 'portals'!
sharon_wlg
It's bloody obvious what's happening here. They've probably got some mate in the contracting business they're trying to toss a job. MARK MY WORDS! They'll dig the whole street up to replace an imaginary pipe.
local_forever
They've probably labelled an old drainage ditch on some typos from a scanned 1940s map. That's how they work - half-arsed and always passing the cost to us.
couchgremlin
What next, charging us for imaginary footpaths?
wayne1987
Mate, that's exactly the kind of shit they're on about, creating expenses out of thin air to justify their existence.
tired_in_riccarton
Is this even true? Seems too bloody ridiculous.