ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KARORI 'CLOSING DOWN' SIGN HAS BEEN CLOSING DOWN SINCE 2016
Commissioner satisfied the shop is not, in fact, closing down.
The Royal Commission of Inquiry into the Persistent Closure Signage at 142b Karori Road has delivered its 340-page interim report. It finds the sign reading CLOSING DOWN — EVERYTHING MUST GO has been stuck to the front window for nine years. Nothing has gone.
Terms of reference required the Commission to determine three things. Was the shop closing down. If so, when. And why a ceramic owl my late husband Gerald bought in 2017 for $14.99 is now back on the shelf at $39.99. Fourteen witnesses were called.
Mrs Lorraine Petherick, of Standen Street, told the Commission she bought a farewell card for the proprietor in 2018. She still has it in her handbag. "I keep it ready," she said. "One of these days she'll mean it." Counsel assisting noted Mrs Petherick has been waiting longer than some marriages. Longer than my son's current one will last, frankly.
The proprietor, appearing under summons, told the Commission the sign was "aspirational". Closure was "a goal we're working towards as a team". The team is her and a niece who comes in Saturdays. She was wearing a kaftan that was also, allegedly, 70 percent off.
Recommendation 14: remove the sign unless closure is achieved this financial year. Recommendation 15: seize the ceramic owl as evidence. Recommendation 16, included over objection: Gerald would have known better.
The shop remains open. The sign remains up. The Commission reconvenes in 2034.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Still open? What a piss-take!
Garry (Porirua)
Oh, back in my day we didn’t need a Royal Commission to tell us whether a shop was closing or not. If a store said it was closing, it bloody well closed! Now it seems we've got paperwork for even the simplest things in life. At this rate, they'll have a Royal Commission to tell us when to put the recycling out on the kerb!
conspirarite87
A shop 'aspirationally' closing down for nearly a decade? Sounds like a tax dodge to me. Probably some secret government initiative to distract people from real issues with ceramic owls!
wayne1987
Mate, it's not a ceramic owl conspiracy. It's just a shop that can't let go. No hidden agendas here!
Ron (UpperHutt)
At least Karori's got a shop still! My local has had the same 'under new management' sign for five years. It's the same old owners, just new paint every year.
couchgremlin
Lol.
Marianne_Welly
It's probably all a misunderstanding. Maybe the date on the sign wore out, so she keeps sticking ‘Everything Must Go’ signs they have on sale. Dame Edna would approve of that kaftan sale!
tired_in_riccarton
What's gone is our taxpayer dollars on a Royal Commission about a shop sign. We're really buggered if this is priority news. Priorities, people!