ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS PHILLIPSTOWN NETBALL TROPHY ENGRAVED '1987' AWARDED EVERY YEAR SINCE 2009
Fourteen winning captains held the cup aloft. None of them looked at the plinth.
The Royal Commission of Inquiry into the Phillipstown Netball Perpetual Trophy has today delivered its interim report. The Commission finds that the trophy, made in Napier in 2008, was engraved with the year '1987' in error. It has been presented at fourteen prize-givings since. Nobody noticed.
Terms of reference required the Commission to determine how the error occurred, why it went undetected, and whether any person later carried on like a pork chop about it. Witnesses called included club president Raewyn Tipa, three former captains, a Napier engraver named Dennis (via AVL), and the barista from Hummingbird on Barbadoes, who once polished the cup with a tea towel and called it "a bit munted, ay".
The Commission heard evidence from 2014 winning captain Brianna Hohepa. "I held the fucken thing over my head for the photo," she told counsel assisting. "I did not read it. Why would I read it? I'd just won." On the balance of probabilities, the Commission accepts this.
A damning passage concerns the 2019 prize-giving. A sideline dad, referred to only as Witness G, allegedly shouted "that ref's a fucking tosser" during the handover and distracted the hall from the plinth. Witness G denies the comment but concedes he "may have said something similar, possibly louder". The Commission finds he said it louder.
Dennis the engraver gave evidence that the '1987' was "a Tuesday job" and that he assumed someone down south would "sing out" if it was wrong. Nobody sang out. Recommendation 14 proposes all future perpetual trophies be inspected by "a person who is not the winner, not the winner's mum, and not on the piss".
The trophy remains in the Phillipstown clubrooms cabinet. It is scheduled to be presented again in November. The Commission has recommended it not be re-engraved, on the grounds that "1987 is, in a sense, now true".
Know someone this is about? Send it to them.
Spotted something like this in your area?
Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.
SUBMIT A YARN →Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.
Reader Letters
couchgremlin
Lol, classic Kiwi oversight.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we didn't have commissions for such nonsense. Missed engravings were just laughed about over a beer. This country's gone soft, I tell ya.
MumOf3
Didn't they say it's now part of the club's history? That's a pretty funny sort of tradition if you ask me.
Sandra McKenzie
Bloody hell, why didn't anyone just look at the trophy? So many years, so many players... Disgusting lack of attention to detail.
ropeable_dave
Mate, that's not even what they said. The Commission did its job and it's just a bit of good fun now. It's not shameful at all.
Trev_Hornby
What's shameful is spending taxpayer dollars on a Royal Commission for a netball trophy! Next, they'll commission a report on who pinched my pen at work.
wayne1987
As an engraver myself, this is a real worry. You'd think someone would've caught that mistake much earlier. Dennis clearly had a rough Tuesday.
couchgremlin
@wayne1987 Mate, no one cares about the engraver's drama. It's a bloody good story for the grandkids!
tired_in_riccarton
To be fair, it's kind of hilarious that none of the mums noticed either. You'd think they'd catch every little detail.