ATAWHAI UNDER-11 SAUSAGE SIZZLE SETS OFF LIBRARY SMOKE ALARM, EVACUATES BOOK CLUB
The onions were browning. So, briefly, was the non-fiction section.
A sideline BBQ at an Atawhai under-11 football match sent onion smoke straight through the open fire door of the community library on Saturday. The alarm went. Two pensioners and a book club went with it.
The BBQ had been parked four metres from the library wall to catch the sun. It also caught the ventilation intake.
"We were doing bloody great numbers," said operator Shaun Petersen, tongs still in hand. "Two-fifty a snag, three with onions. Then the alarm goes and this librarian marches across the grass like she's about to red-card me. I told her the sausages were fine. She said that wasn't the fucking issue."
Librarian Denise Falloon confirmed she had said that. "I've got Beryl on oxygen in the biography aisle and a bloke from the book club who reckons it's the Rapture. The sausages were not my priority." She added the club had been asked, in writing, three seasons running, to move the BBQ.
FENZ attended, found no fire, and left with two sausages in bread. A spokesperson said onions and smoke detectors had "a long and complicated relationship".
The under-11s drew 2-2. Beryl is fine. The book club has relocated to the RSA, where the scones are better.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Why can't BBQs be further away?
Pamela_Read
Bloody hilarious! Only in Atawhai could a sausage sizzle become a full-blown event. Those poor pensioners though, hope they're alright after that scare. I once had a similar thing happen at a Scout jamboree. We set up camp too close to the bonfire, and the smoke drifted right into the park outhouse. There was chaos, you would’ve thought someone dropped a bloody nuke. Anyway, important lesson: smoke doesn’t read signs.
footyTom
Mate, rounding off the game at 2-2 is shameful! Can't we teach these kids how to win already? As for the librarian, sounds like she just wanted a piece of the action. I reckon she did it on purpose to get some snags.
RealRugbyFan
@footyTom Maybe snags are part of the training menu now. Next, they'll have orange slices at half time and a full buffet afterwards. Really teaching the next All Whites revolutionary strategies.
jax_ontheconspiracy
A conspiracy by the library to eliminate sausage-associated joy. Libraries in this country have been onto BBQ snags since council BBQs were invented. THE SMOKE ALARM IS A FRONT. Wake up, people!
couchgremlin
Onions triumph once again!
scienceSteph
Beryl should move to a better aisle next time. Biographies are soft. She belongs with the science section—more air to breathe and books on the hazards of smoke.
laughableLarry
@scienceSteph, I'm sure Beryl and her gang can relocate at a moment's notice. Maybe the library should just give everyone an axe and a fire hose next time.