UPPER RICCARTON UNDER-11s COACH INSISTS BOG IS "CHARACTER BUILDING" AS THIRD KID LOSES BOOT TO MUD
Coach Dazza reckons the swamp is a teaching moment. The parents reckon Dazza is the teaching moment.
An Upper Riccarton junior football coach spent Saturday morning knee-deep in what used to be a midfield. He told parents the conditions were "character building". An under-11 named Hunter was crying over a Warehouse boot now submerged near halfway.
Coach Dazza Wilkins runs the under-11 Comets out of a ground off Yaldhurst Road. He said the nor'wester had "softened things up a touch" but the game was "absolutely on, mate." Three kids had gone over their shorts in mud by the 12th minute. One was retrieved by a linesman with a rake.
"It's fucking character building is what it is," Dazza said, gesturing at a child who was, at that moment, horizontal and stationary. "My old man made me play in worse. Got pneumonia twice. Look at me now." Asked to elaborate on "look at me now", Dazza did not.
Sideline mum Kelis Tupou, holding a flat white from the Hagley kiosk (shout out to Manu on the machine — best oat flattie in the city!!), was unimpressed. "Hunter's lost a boot, a shin pad, and what I reckon was a tooth. Dazza's standing there like he's bloody Gallipoli. It's a swamp, Daz. It's a swamp and you're a tosser."
A club official, asked whether the game should've been called, said the pitch had been inspected at 8am and deemed "playable-ish". Pressed on what that meant, the official said the ground convenor had "poked it with a stick and the stick came back."
The Comets won 2–1. One goal was scored by a kid who'd been stuck in the same spot for eleven minutes and got lucky with a ricochet. Hunter's boot has not been recovered. Dazza has booked the same pitch for next Saturday.
Know someone this is about? Send it to them.
Spotted something like this in your area?
Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.
SUBMIT A YARN →Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.
Reader Letters
FootyFan88
Bloody Dazza, what a legend!
Trev_Hornby
This is nothing but a bloody disgrace! Kids aren't tools for "character building" in this disgusting mess.
SoccerMum_Christchurch
Dazza shouldn't even be allowed near a field if he thinks pneumonia is a badge of honour!
Garry (Halswell)
Mate, when I was a lad, we'd play in all sorts of weather. I remember this one time, must have been in 1982, we played during a hurricane on a field that was more pond than pitch. Lost two boots, a shorts button, and a sense of direction, but what did it teach us? Absolutely nothing, because everyone just wanted a bloody pie afterwards.
ConspiracyKiwi
The club official's stick test is a clear sign of dodgy tactics. I reckon there's a conspiracy here to normalise swamp games in Christchurch!
sarcastic_sally
Stick came back. Wow, scientific method at its finest!
laughing_luke
A swamp and a tosser. Absolute gold!
MumOf3_Riccarton
Hunter needs new boots, not life lessons!
rugby_rules123
Mate, you sound like a Karen. Let the kids toughen up a bit!
localfootyexpert
It's common knowledge that playing in the mud increases your agility. That's why All Blacks do it.