LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, HOPE, AND ONE BLOKE NAMED SHANE
Engineer says it's 'not technically a wall anymore' but concedes it's still doing wall things.
A Linwood retaining wall on Buckleys Road is being held back from the footpath by three lengths of No. 8 wire, a bit of pink baling twine, and what one neighbour called "sheer optimism".
The wall retains about a metre of someone's front garden and a hydrangea that's seen things. It's been in its current state since at least 2019. My late husband Gerald would have rung the council before his tea went cold. Nobody has rung the council.
Shane, the tradie who did the patch job cash, told The Daily Yarn from the cab of his Hilux that the wall was "sweet as, mate." Pressed on whether wire counted as structural, Shane said: "It's holding, isn't it. That's fucking structural in my book." He added the proper fix was booked in for Tuesday. He did not specify the year.
A neighbour two doors down, Raewyn Botherway, said she'd watched the wall "breathe" during the last nor'wester. "It moves. I've seen it move. Hydrangea's on borrowed time and so's my Corolla, parked directly below the wee shit."
A structural engineer said the wall was "not technically a wall anymore" but was "performing wall functions". Asked to elaborate, he said the No. 8 wire was "doing more than the council" and hung up. Christchurch City Council has classified the site as "monitored", which round here means photographed once in 2021.
Shane is at the Hornby Working Men's Club and cannot be reached. The hydrangea is still there. So, for now, is the Corolla.
Know someone this is about? Send it to them.
Spotted something like this in your area?
Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.
SUBMIT A YARN →Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.
Reader Letters
chch_gazers
That's Christchurch for ya!
Trev_Hornby
Back in my day, we didn't need any fancy structural engineers to tell us a wall was buggered. We'd just grab a couple of blokes, a few pints and have a go at it ourselves. One time me and my mates rebuilt a whole garden shed over a weekend with nothing but a hammer, some nails, and a lot of No. 8 wire. Kept the sheep out, kept the tools in, and not a hydrangea was ever put in danger.
thirsty_fern
Bugger me, I reckon the hydrangea is the real hero here. Seen more action than my garden ever has.
Brucey_B
Reminds me of the time when we all pitched in to fix Old Bill's fence with a few beers and spare timber. Not pretty, but it worked!
wayne1987
Mate, Shane deserves a medal. That wall's stronger than some of the housing developments going up around here!
KiwiBuilder
Mate, it's about hap' hazardness, not houses.
MumOf3_Riccarton
Why hasn't the council done anything about this? Typical. They spend thousands on footpaths but can't sort out a wall that's about to flatten Raewyn's Corolla. Priorities are all munted.
tired_in_riccarton
@MumOf3_Riccarton No chance they'll ever get their priorities right. Shane's method seems more reliable than the council's 'monitoring'!
Garry (Halswell)
The wall isn’t exploding, so relax everyone. It's still there, isn't it? Let Shane and his No. 8 wire work their magic until Tuesday—whenever that may be!
couchgremlin
Maybe the wall's just too stubborn to fall over.