STOKE PLUMBER PULLS THIRD GARDEN GNOME FROM SAME DRAIN THIS YEAR
The gnome was holding a tiny fishing rod. The fishing rod was holding back six weeks of shit.
A Stoke plumber has pulled a ceramic garden gnome from a residential sewer line for the third time this year. No household on the street will claim it.
Mitch Earle, who runs a one-man outfit out of his ute, was called to a Marsden Road property on Tuesday. The owners said their downstairs toilet was "doing the opposite of what a toilet's meant to do." Forty minutes with the drain camera turned up a 22cm gnome wedged sideways at the gully trap.
"Third fucking one this year," Earle told The Daily Yarn. "First was Songer Street, painted blue, beard. Second was off Main Road Stoke, no beard, smug little prick. This one's a fisherman. Someone round here is flushing gnomes and I want a word."
The homeowner, Lisette Crawford, said the gnome was "absolutely not ours" and that she had "never owned a gnome and never will". A neighbour two doors down said the same. The neighbour on the other side didn't come to the door but was, per Earle, "watching through the blinds like a good cunt with something to hide".
Nelson City Council confirmed garden ornaments are not classified as wastewater. A spokesperson said flushing them was "not a sanctioned disposal pathway" and the matter was "more of a neighbourhood conversation".
Earle has kept all three gnomes on the dashboard of his ute. The fisherman stays there until someone on Marsden Road owns up.
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Reader Letters
Trev_the_Trench
Bloody hell, classic Stoke shenanigans. If you're bored, catch a fish eh? Not clog the drains with gnomes!
gnomeawayfromhome
Or maybe it's just convenient gnome travel, Trev. A gnome's gotta explore too, right?
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, neighbours would just have a beer over the fence if they had a problem. Now they're shoving gnomes in pipes. What a mess.
plumb_bum
Mate, if the neighbour's got something to hide, it's probably a full collection of banned gnomes. Stoke must be holding a gnome rebellion.
Margaret_Burnside
Hey Mitch, can't you just plant these gnomes in the garden instead? Add a bit of character to the place while keeping them out of our pipes.
Baz_Vegan
If those gnomes aren't biodiverse, we shouldn't be flushing them. The Council needs to mandate eco-friendly gnomes.