STOKE PLUMBER PULLS THIRD GARDEN GNOME FROM SAME DRAIN THIS YEAR
The gnome was holding a tiny fishing rod. The fishing rod was holding back six weeks of shit.
Trish McKendry
Former comms staffer. Files retail ruckus and suburban crime with Stuff energy and zero patience for berm storage.
LINWOOD CYCLE LANE ENDS IN A HEDGE, COUNCIL CALLS IT "PHASE ONE"
Phase two was described as "in scoping" by someone who would not give their name.
LINWOOD READING LOG STOUSH GOES TO THE BOARD
One parent ticked the box. Another parent disputes the tick.
TARADALE BLOKE REPORTS NEIGHBOUR'S KID'S CHALK RAINBOW AS "UNLICENSED ROAD ART"
The artist is seven. The complainant has a tape measure and a printout of the wrong bylaw.
DUNEDIN COUNCIL PAINTS ZEBRA CROSSING ON MOSGIEL MAN'S DRIVEWAY
Dallas now has to give way to himself when reversing the Hilux.
HENDERSON TRADIE FIRES UP SAUSAGE SIZZLE ON ROOF OF HILUX, INSISTS IT'S "WAY MORE STABLE THAN IT LOOKS"
The Hilux is parked outside a Lincoln Road job site. The hotplate is on the cab. WorkSafe has been notified.
PAPAMOA CAT NAMED 'PERSON OF INTEREST' IN NEIGHBOURLY POLL, REFUSES TO COMMENT
The cat, a ginger tom called Brendan, is currently leading the poll by 14 votes.
HENDERSON PRIMARY PICKUP LANE NOW OPERATING ON 14-SECOND STOP WINDOW, PARENTS TIMED
One mother brought a stopwatch. The deputy principal brought a clipboard. Neither is backing down.
TAKAPUNA PRIMARY BANS GLITTER AFTER ART CLASS INCIDENT DESCRIBED AS 'BIBLICAL'
Three weeks on, the staffroom carpet still sparkles. So does the principal.
NEWTOWN DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' FITS EXACTLY ZERO CHAIRS, ONE FOOT
The builder reckons it's a vibe deck. The owner reckons it's a windowsill.
SUMNER DAIRY SELLS OUT OF HOT CHIPS DURING POWER CUT NOBODY CAN EXPLAIN
The fryer was off. The chips kept coming. Locals queued anyway.
STOKE FOG TURNS SCHOOL RUN INTO 1940s DETECTIVE FILM, MUMS REPORTEDLY LOVING IT
Visibility down to about a Hilux length. One dad arrived at the wrong school entirely.
GLADSTONE LEMON TREE NOW SUBJECT OF THREE SURVEYORS, TWO LAWYERS, AND A LAMINATED SIGN
The tree has produced 14 lemons this season. The dispute has produced 47 emails.
ISLAND BAY JUNIOR FOOTBALL CALLED OFF AT 22 DEGREES — SAUSAGE SIZZLE PROCEEDS REGARDLESS
Wellington hit a temperature once experienced in Napier on a Tuesday. The under-11s were sent home. The Hellers were not.
GLADSTONE CEILING CAVITY YIELDS 47 VB CANS AND ZERO INSULATION
The previous owner's R-value was, technically, beer.
ISLAND BAY WOMAN FINDS ONE SOCK ON THE PAVEMENT, STARTS SUPPORT GROUP BY TUESDAY
The sock is grey. The group has 34 members. The other sock is still missing.
ROSLYN CLUBROOMS SMELL LIKE "DEEP HEAT AND REGRET", BARPERSON CONFIRMS
Janine into her fourth season says the carpet hasn't been dry since 2019.
WELLINGTON COUNCIL SPENDS THREE HOURS DEBATING WHETHER HOT CROSS BUNS NEED RESOURCE CONSENT
Two consultants engaged. One bun produced. Nobody has eaten it.