FRANKTON HALL MEETING ON PIGEON STATUE COLLAPSES INTO SHOUTING, ONE WALKOUT, ONE PIGEON

Right, pull up a stool. I was down at the Frankton hall Tuesday because a mate at the council tipped me off. Hamilton City Council were running a consultation on a bronze pigeon statue for the Commerce Street roundabout. Budget $48,000. Or so they said. The bloke from council kept calling it "indicative", which is council-speak for made up.

Lasted eleven minutes before it went off. Could've been twelve. Woman down the front, Raewyn something, stood up and said — quoting as best I remember — "You want forty-eight grand for a statue of a shit-hawk when my street's been waiting two years for a speed bump?" Room went up. Bloke behind me clapped so hard he dropped his Whittaker's.

Council's arts advisor had flown down from Auckland, apparently, which went down a treat. He said the statue was "a celebration of wildlife in shared space". Heard from the woman next to me he used to do the same gig at AT. Tracks, really.

Then some bloke in hi-vis stood up and asked why the consultants got twelve grand to workshop a pigeon when his nephew would do it for a feed of KFC. Advisor said the figure was "contextual". Second walkout. Might've been the same bloke coming back for his jacket. Couldn't tell you.

Here's the kicker, and my mate swears it's true — a real pigeon got into the hall during closing remarks and shat on the agenda. Consultation's open until the 28th. The roundabout still hasn't got a give-way sign anyone respects.

Forty-eight grand. For a pigeon. In Frankton. Sips Speights.