BRIGHTON UNDER-11s SERVED BUDGET MANDARINS AT HALF-TIME — DADS NEARLY KICK OFF
Club president blames "a Pak'nSave situation". Sideline blames the club president.
A Saturday morning under-11 rugby match at the Brighton domain came within a whisker of a full sideline rumble after the half-time oranges were replaced with what one parent described as "sad fucking mandarins from the reduced bin".
The fruit, handed out in a chilly bin by a volunteer who immediately walked away from it, was reportedly soft, slightly green, and "peeling itself out of shame". Eleven boys took one bite and gave it back. One boy cried. The coach, mid-team-talk about rucking low, lost the room entirely.
Dad-on-the-sideline Shane Cormack, hi-vis still on from a Friday nightshift at a Green Island yard, told The Daily Yarn he'd "about had it". "Mate. Oranges. It's oranges. That's the one fucking job. My boy's out there getting smashed by a kid built like a heat pump and you're handing him a mandarin you could squeeze through a straw. Piss-take."
Another parent, Donna Reith, said she'd watched the club treasurer "physically back away" from the chilly bin when questioned. "He muttered something about the budget and got in his Hilux. Bloke's a munter. We pay subs. We pay raffle. We pay sausage sizzle. Buy the fucking oranges, Trevor."
Club president Trevor Bagrie, contacted at home, said the mandarins were "a one-off procurement decision" made after Countdown was out of bagged oranges and he "wasn't driving to Mosgiel for fruit". Asked whether he'd be doing the oranges next week, Trevor said the club was "reviewing the half-time refreshment pipeline", which is the kind of sentence that gets a bloke decked behind the clubrooms.
The under-11s lost 34–5. The mandarins are still in the chilly bin. No one has volunteered to take it home.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Bloody hell, who uses mandarins?
angry_mum_of_4
I've had it with Trevor Bagrie's excuses. If it's not oranges, then what is it next? Grapes? What a joke. We pay for more than shameful fruit.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in the day, we were happy just to have water! These kids don't know they're born.
conspiracy_chris
Sounds like the real issue here is council funding. They've probably got their grubby hands in the club finances, as usual.
Sandra_Middleton
Council funding isn't related to mandarin procurement, Chris. It's probably just poor planning or budgeting by Trevor.
supportive_sammy
You lot are all missing the point. These mandarins are meant to build resilience in our kids - a vital life skill.
realistic_rob
Mate, that's ridiculous! Resilience from SCHMOUSHY FRUIT? Get real.
old_school_tony
Rugby's going soft, much like those bloody mandarins!
couchgremlin
You know what, maybe we should be grateful? At least it wasn't a durian.
conspiracy_chris
@Sandra, you're probably funded by the council too, aren't you?