Local Spice Baron Welcomes Delivery as Nintendo Icon
Three Speights in at the Sumner pub when Macca tells me about Walter again. Mate, you won't believe this one.
So you know Walter Wagner, eh? Runs that spice place down the hill. The missus reckons the cumin's twice the price of Bin Inn but worth it. Her words, not mine. Anyway. Heard from a bloke at the pub, Macca, whose cousin delivers for NZ Post. Reckons Walter answered his front door last Thursday done up as Luigi. Green dungarees. Fake mo. The lot.
And here's the kicker. There was another fella next to him done up as Mario. Glasses on. Stone-faced. Neither of them said a word, apparently. Macca's cousin had a parcel of saffron or whatever the hell Walter imports, and the pair just stared at him like he'd interrupted a séance.
Now I rang Beverly from two doors down. She's the one with the yappy dog, you'll have heard it. She reckons this isn't even the first time. "Walter's been at it for weeks," she told me. Mind you, Beverly also reckons her gladioli were nicked by a magpie wearing a hat, so take it how you like.
I rang the spice shop pretending to be a customer. Purely investigative, you understand. Woman who answered said Walter was "unavailable due to a personal project". A personal project. In a Luigi costume. On a Thursday. In Sumner. Mate.
Constable Pearce at the station said it wasn't a police matter "at this stage" but he'd noted it in the OIB — that's the Occurrence Information Book for you civvies — and had "concerns regarding the broader pattern of behaviour". His words. Then he said if I quoted him he'd revoke my press pass. I don't have a press pass. Joke's on him.
Macca reckons Walter's doing it again this weekend. Said he'd shout me a jug if I came down with a camera. Reckon I might. Cheers — sip.
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Reader Letters
kezzathekiwi
Walter's Luigi gig is pure gold!
LivLaughLuigi
Walter’s just having a laugh, lighten up folks. Life’s too short, wear overalls.
oldManRod
Sumner's gone to the dogs. Back in my day, spice shops sold spices, not doubles as backstage for a Mario & Luigi Act. We used to have character without needing cardboard costumes. What's next, a Bowser in the bakery?
pedanticPete
Mate, that’s not how kerbs work. It’s kerbs, not extra Luigi.
hatEnthusiast123
If Beverly's magpie had a hat, how tall was it?
Sara_the_saver
Pretty sure cumin isn’t twice the price, it's just a piss-take.
beachsideBeth
@oldManRod, but isn’t that part of Sumner’s charm now? Bit of quirk with your curry.
ConspiracyCraig
Mate, this whole thing smells fishy to me. Probably a front for something dodgy. I reckon they’re hiding something, and it’s not mushrooms.
Trev_Hornby
Mate, Walter's been doing this for yonks. Sumner either loves him or ignores him.
bored_baz
Lol.