ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KEITH THE GARDEN GNOME BELONGS TO NEITHER HENDERSON FAMILY, POSSIBLY BOTH

The Royal Commission of Inquiry into the Disputed Ownership of a Concrete Garden Ornament Known as Keith has today released its 340-page report. Ownership cannot be established on the balance of probabilities. Both Henderson families are, in the Commissioner's words, "being right knobs about it".

The Commission heard evidence from 14 witnesses across two Henderson households on Ruahine Street, Awapuni. Terms of Reference required findings on who purchased Keith, who painted his hat that unfortunate red, and whether Keith had at any point been left on the verge in a manner constituting relinquishment.

Denise Henderson, of 42 Ruahine Street, gave evidence that Keith was purchased from the Awapuni Mitre 10 in "either 2011 or 2013, could've been 2012". She said Keith had lived in her rockery until "those pricks at number 44" moved him during a windstorm. Counsel assisting noted the witness became "visibly agitated" when shown Exhibit 7, a photograph of Keith in a wheelbarrow.

Garry Henderson, of 44 Ruahine Street (no relation, despite the surname), told the inquiry Keith had "always been ours". He described Denise as "carrying on like she owns the whole bloody street". Under cross-examination, Garry conceded he could not produce a receipt or any photograph of Keith pre-2019.

Recommendation 14 suggests Keith be placed in the custody of a neutral third party, provisionally the letterbox at number 43. Recommendation 22 notes the Commission's costs of $184,000 significantly exceed the retail value of the gnome, which is $29.95.

The Commissioner observed in closing that Keith had remained "dignified throughout proceedings". Keith is currently in evidence lockup at the Palmerston North District Court. He has not responded to requests for comment.