Tekapo's mystery boats spark 340-page inquiry, still unclaimed

The Royal Commission of Inquiry into Two Upturned Vessels at Lake Tekapo has today released its 340-page interim report. It finds that nobody can recall whose boats they are.

The terms of reference required the Commission to determine three matters. First, the ownership of one white dinghy and one yellow dinghy. Second, the date the Boats were last used. Third, whether the lake itself has taken offence, as alleged.

The Commission heard evidence from fourteen witnesses over six sitting days at the Tekapo Community Hall. Proceedings were adjourned twice on account of the heat pump.

Mrs Joyce Pemberton, of Lakeside Drive, gave evidence that she had observed the Boats "since round about when Lorraine had her hip done". Counsel assisting established this to be June. "They were upside down then and they're upside down now," Mrs Pemberton said. "Nobody's done a bloody thing."

A Mackenzie District Council representative, appearing under summons, conceded the Boats fell within a "jurisdictional grey area". Pressed on whether the Council intended to act, she replied that a working group had been established and would report back "before the thaw".

The Commission notes the submission of one Sharon-from-the-cafe, who deposed that the yellow boat "was definitely Bazza's, or possibly his brother's". The Commission was unable to locate Bazza.

Recommendation 14: That the Boats be left where they are, pending the substantive hearing in late 2026. Recommendation 15: That somebody ask Bazza.