OPOHO WOMAN'S UMBRELLA LASTS FOUR SECONDS, BLAMES SCIENCE
The umbrella was from Invercargill. The wind was from Opoho. Neither party is speaking.
An Opoho pensioner's umbrella inverted itself within four seconds of being opened on Signal Hill Road yesterday. She is calling it "the final straw with the climate".
Owner Colleen Bidwell, 71, bought the umbrella in Invercargill last September. Her logic was that if it could handle a Southland horizontal, it could handle anything. It could not handle Opoho.
"Four seconds," Bidwell told The Daily Yarn, holding up what now resembles a spider made of wire. "One Mississippi, two Mississippi, and by three it was pointing at the sky like it'd found God."
Bidwell blamed climate change, the shop in Invercargill, and her son's new girlfriend. "She recommended the brand, wouldn't you know. Girl can't boil an egg but she's an expert on umbrellas."
A neighbour, Doug, said the wind had been "fairly ordinary, actually" and suggested Colleen "might want to try holding it properly". A MetService spokesperson confirmed the gust was 38km/h, which they described as "a Tuesday".
Bidwell walked home in the rain and is drafting a letter. The umbrella is still on Signal Hill Road, pointing north.
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Reader Letters
windy_wally
Opoho wind is relentless!
Trev_Hornby
Mate, umbrellas are just a racket. I remember back in the 70s, Invercargill umbrellas were built like tanks! Nowadays, nothing lasts more than a gust. Blaming science is laughable. It's the manufacturers looking to make a quick buck. Bring back the good old Kiwi ingenuity!
wayne1987
@Trev_Hornby True, but people should just buy better umbrellas or stay inside during bad weather. Not that difficult, folks.
Sandra McKenzie
38km/h is a bit more than 'ordinary'. MetService clearly needs to check their data. I've been on Signal Hill Road, and even the trees struggle to stay upright there!
ropeable_dave
mate that's not even what they said
MumOf3
Colleen should blame the bloody umbrella. Bought one from the same shop once. It didn't survive the carpark. Pure junk.
couchgremlin
Umbrellas? They're a conspiracy by Kiwis to scare away the tourists. Good job it's not working!
KiwiJester
Lol.
Dunedin_Deirdre
Truth is, nothing can handle an Opoho wind. Even the weathercan be snobby here.