WESTOWN BLOKE COOKED ON FIRST SUNNY TUESDAY, SHOULDERS NOW STOP-SIGN RED
Macca forgot the sun was a thing. The sun did not forget Macca.
Right, so I'm at the pub Tuesday night — Speights, since you're asking — and Macca rolls in looking like he's been through a panel beater. Shoulders glowing. Nose peeling. I says to him, mate, you been on the turps in Raro. He goes nah Dave, just mowed the lawn.
Turns out it was the first clear Tuesday Westown's had in about four months. Could be five. Mate at the station reckons the MetService had a UV warning out but who reads those. Macca didn't. He was in stubbies and jandals by 10am, doing strips up and down his section off Tukapa Street like it was Bondi.
"I forgot, ay," he told me, holding an Export Gold and flinching every time his t-shirt touched his neck. "You get used to the wind and the drizzle and the mountain doing its thing. Sun comes out and you just stand in it. Like a goose."
His missus Raelene — met her the once at a barbecue — told him twice to put a shirt on before he went out. He did not put a shirt on. He's now sleeping on a towel because the sheets are, in his words, "a bit much".
A bloke I know reckons the chemist on Mangorei Road sold out of aloe by 3pm. Couldn't verify. Sounds about right but. Same mate at the station says they had two callouts to the coastal walkway for what he called "heat-related poor decision-making", which I think is code for blokes Macca's age going shirtless on a pushbike. Don't get me started on the pushbikes.
Rain's back Thursday. Macca'll be right.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Ah, Westown. Don't miss it!
Garry (Halswell)
I remember getting toasted like that back in '76! A rogue summer that was. Mowed the lawn on a scorcher and ended up looking like a lobster. Missus was ropeable. We didn't have sunscreen then, just hats and hope. These sunny spells catch you off guard after months of drizzle. Macca'll learn, just like I did.
couchgremlin
Macca needs a new missus, clearly.
just_jase
Typical kiwi bloke, eh? Least he didn’t fry himself in a singlet. Those tan lines are brutal. Maybe Raelene should've glued a shirt to him!
wayne1987
Lol.
Ripped_Off_Ron
Mate, you're forgetting that chemist has had an aloe shortage all summer. Blame the damn council for not keeping stock. Some bushes or trees would've given Macca some shade too. What are our rates even paying for? Heat waves and empty shops. Bloody brilliant.
tired_in_riccarton
Aloe's been available. The problem's Macca, not the chemist!
MumOf3
Honestly, wearing a shirt wouldn't have hurt him. Blokes like Macca act like they're invincible until they aren't.
beachbumsally
We need a Macca appreciation day for taking the heat so we don't have to.