MACANDREW BAY RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND "A REAL POSITIVE ATTITUDE", BUILDER CONFIRMS

It was a Tuesday in Macandrew Bay. The harbour was flat. The wind was off. And eleven metres of retaining wall on Marne Street was held to the hillside by three lengths of No. 8 wire, one ratchet strap, and what our subject would later describe as "a real positive attitude".

The suspect — a builder operating out of a ute with more decals than panel — was clocked by neighbour Lorraine Beattie, 71, who'd walked down for a flat white and noticed the wall was "doing a sort of lean". Lorraine flagged it to the barista, Manaia, who by the way makes the best oat flat white on the peninsula!! Manaia flagged it to her flatmate. Her flatmate flagged it to the council. The council, as of filing, has flagged it to a voicemail.

"Nah she's sweet as," the builder told The Daily Yarn from underneath the wall, which was groaning. "Number eight'll hold any cunt. Held me granddad's fence forty year. She's not going anywhere, bro, I've tensioned the fuck out of her." Asked whether the job was consented, he said the paperwork was "with a bloke in Mosgiel" and would be sorted Tuesday. He did not specify which one.

A second neighbour, Pavel Strickland, said he'd watched the original wall go in around 2019 and had "had concerns from the jump". "The boys turned up, drank a box, dug a trench with a spade, and pissed off at three. I thought it was a prank." Pavel has since moved his Hilux to the top of the drive "in case the hill comes down on a weeknight".

A Dunedin City Council spokesperson said the wall was "on our list" and an engineer would inspect "when the rain eases" — a phrase locals note now covers a rolling nine-month window. As of 4pm Tuesday the wire was still holding. The builder was still on site. Lorraine has ordered a second flat white.