TARADALE BP PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE BLOKE'S DRIVEWAY
Forty-two bucks of 91. Three metres of paper. One tradie running late.
Dave the Tradie
Dave left the tools ten years ago but never left the site banter. He files Tradie Tales from a ute that may or may not pass its WOF.
TAKAPUNA MAN'S DAILY LOOP NOW HAS A BLOODY SHRINE — HE HASN'T NOTICED
Locals built a small altar on the corner of Hurstmere. Kevin walks past it twice a day without looking up.
METSERVICE PROMISES SUNNY DEVONPORT, ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
Forecast said fine. The sky above Cheltenham Road said otherwise.
KARORI BUILDER INSISTS GAPING HOLE IN ROOF IS 'VENTILATION, BRO'
Homeowner asked for a re-roof. Got a skylight. Got a puddle. Got a lecture about airflow.
KARORI UNDER-10S CLUB NAMES PLAYER OF THE DAY WHO WAS AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY IN JOHNSONVILLE
Kid hadn't kicked a ball. Hadn't laced a boot. Got the chocolate fish anyway.
NEWMARKET HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-13 GAME, REFUSES TO LEAVE WHEN ASKED
The umpire is 16. The megaphone is loud. The dad is unrepentant.
KARORI HAIL THE SIZE OF "AGGRESSIVE PEAS" RUINS SMOKO, COUPLE OF UTES, AND DEREK'S MOOD
Bloke on a roof in Marsden Village reckons he copped one down the back of his hi-vis and that was the end of morning tea.
MOSGIEL PRINCIPAL'S NEWSLETTER POEM ABOUT 'CERTAIN PARENTS' RUNS TO FOUR STANZAS
Page two of the term three update is, the principal admits, a response to the pickup lane.
AUCKLAND COUNCIL HIRES CONSULTANT TO CONSULT ON CONSULTANTS, INVOICE PENDING
Devonport ratepayers asked what the job actually is. Nobody at the Town Hall could say without a workshop.
HAMILTON KMART LAUNCHES 'TREASURE HUNT' THAT IS JUST STAFF ADMITTING THEY'VE LOST THE STOCK
Find an air fryer, win an air fryer. If you can find one. Which you can't.
GLADSTONE SCHOOL NEWSLETTER PROMISES "SAUSAGE SIZZLE" — PARENTS NOT SURE WHAT THE QUOTE MARKS MEAN
Some reckon it's a typo. Others reckon the PTA knows something.
TAKAPUNA PAK'NSAVE INTRODUCES QUEUE FOR THE QUEUE, BLOKE GIVES UP AND GOES TO NEW WORLD
Two queues, one trolley, zero patience. A Takapuna sparky reckons he aged out of his apprenticeship waiting for the first cordon.
DEVONPORT MAN REUNITED WITH LOST JANDAL AFTER FERRY-TERMINAL PRESSER
Left foot's been doing solo work for nine days. The right one's finally got backup.
BISHOPDALE DUCK HOLDS UP HARTLEY AVE TRAFFIC, GETS FULL RIGHT OF WAY FROM SEVEN CARS AND A HIACE
The duck took its time. The Hiace driver, against all odds, did not honk.
MT EDEN UNDER-11 CRICKET PAUSED 40 MINUTES AFTER DOG NAMED BISCUIT NICKS THE BALL
Biscuit took the ball to a Hilux. The opening bowler took a seat on the wicket.
AUCKLAND COUNCIL PORTAL REJECTS EVERY PASSWORD KNOWN TO MAN, INCLUDING ITS OWN SUGGESTION
Takapuna sparkie spent 45 minutes trying to pay a building consent. The portal told him to get rooted.
HAMILTON EAST NETBALL MUM CALLS MEETING TO DISCUSS WHEN TO HOLD THE NEXT MEETING
Calendar invite went out at 6.04am. The agenda is the agenda.
MT EDEN COUNCIL CONFIRMS ROAD CONES NOW OUTNUMBER RESIDENTS, CALLS IT 'PROGRESS'
Auckland Transport reckons the 2:1 ratio is 'within tolerance'. Tolerance for what, they wouldn't say.
NEWTOWN PIGEON DECLARES CONSTITUENCY AT CONSTANCE STREET CAFÉ, KNOCKS BACK GOLD COIN
Staff say the bird turns up at 7am sharp and has opinions about the muffins.
PONSONBY PTA SPLIT DOWN MIDDLE OVER SAUSAGE SIZZLE ONION PLACEMENT
Two-hour meeting. No vote reached. The barbecue is on Saturday.