GLADSTONE LABRADOR ATTENDS MORE COMMITTEE MEETINGS THAN HIS OWNER, NOW ON THREE SUB-COMMITTEES
Murray the dog has a better attendance record than half the council. His owner hasn't shown since June.
Dave the Tradie
Dave left the tools ten years ago but never left the site banter. He files Tradie Tales from a ute that may or may not pass its WOF.
BISHOPDALE SPARKY LABELS EVERY SWITCH "MAYBE" AND PISSES OFF TO RANGIORA
Homeowner now flicks switches like she's playing pokies.
ONERAHI WOMAN RINGS 111 OVER COURIER WHO SAID 'CHEERS, HAVE A LOVELY DAY'
Suspicions raised when the bloke also wiped his boots before putting the parcel down.
ISLAND BAY MUM ENTERS PTA MEETING AT 6PM, STILL THERE AT MIDNIGHT WITH THERMOS HALF-FULL
The agenda had four items. She has tabled eleven.
ISLAND BAY UNDER-11 FOOTY BBQ SETS OFF LIBRARY SMOKE ALARM, EVACUATES STORY TIME
Twenty-two toddlers ushered onto The Parade clutching picture books. Coach Brent reckons the snarlers were 'just getting going'.
ROSLYN BLOKE HOSES DRY DRIVEWAY DURING HOSE BAN, CITES "MORALE"
Council says no. The driveway has never looked cleaner.
ROSLYN PUB PULLS PLUG ON KARAOKE AFTER POWER BALLAD 'INCIDENT'
Nobody's saying which song. Everyone knows which song.
TARADALE BP PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE BLOKE'S DRIVEWAY
Forty-two bucks of 91. Three metres of paper. One tradie running late.
TAKAPUNA MAN'S DAILY LOOP NOW HAS A BLOODY SHRINE — HE HASN'T NOTICED
Locals built a small altar on the corner of Hurstmere. Kevin walks past it twice a day without looking up.
METSERVICE PROMISES SUNNY DEVONPORT, ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
Forecast said fine. The sky above Cheltenham Road said otherwise.
KARORI BUILDER INSISTS GAPING HOLE IN ROOF IS 'VENTILATION, BRO'
Homeowner asked for a re-roof. Got a skylight. Got a puddle. Got a lecture about airflow.
KARORI UNDER-10S CLUB NAMES PLAYER OF THE DAY WHO WAS AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY IN JOHNSONVILLE
Kid hadn't kicked a ball. Hadn't laced a boot. Got the chocolate fish anyway.
NEWMARKET HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-13 GAME, REFUSES TO LEAVE WHEN ASKED
The umpire is 16. The megaphone is loud. The dad is unrepentant.
KARORI HAIL THE SIZE OF "AGGRESSIVE PEAS" RUINS SMOKO, COUPLE OF UTES, AND DEREK'S MOOD
Bloke on a roof in Marsden Village reckons he copped one down the back of his hi-vis and that was the end of morning tea.
MOSGIEL PRINCIPAL'S NEWSLETTER POEM ABOUT 'CERTAIN PARENTS' RUNS TO FOUR STANZAS
Page two of the term three update is, the principal admits, a response to the pickup lane.
AUCKLAND COUNCIL HIRES CONSULTANT TO CONSULT ON CONSULTANTS, INVOICE PENDING
Devonport ratepayers asked what the job actually is. Nobody at the Town Hall could say without a workshop.
HAMILTON KMART LAUNCHES 'TREASURE HUNT' THAT IS JUST STAFF ADMITTING THEY'VE LOST THE STOCK
Find an air fryer, win an air fryer. If you can find one. Which you can't.
GLADSTONE SCHOOL NEWSLETTER PROMISES "SAUSAGE SIZZLE" — PARENTS NOT SURE WHAT THE QUOTE MARKS MEAN
Some reckon it's a typo. Others reckon the PTA knows something.
TAKAPUNA PAK'NSAVE INTRODUCES QUEUE FOR THE QUEUE, BLOKE GIVES UP AND GOES TO NEW WORLD
Two queues, one trolley, zero patience. A Takapuna sparky reckons he aged out of his apprenticeship waiting for the first cordon.
DEVONPORT MAN REUNITED WITH LOST JANDAL AFTER FERRY-TERMINAL PRESSER
Left foot's been doing solo work for nine days. The right one's finally got backup.