REDWOOD SCHOOL LOLLIPOP LADY RUNS CROSSING TIGHTER THAN A BLOODY AIRPORT
Parents at Redwood Primary say Beverley's 3pm shift has cut wait times in half and grown men in utes to tears.
Dave the Tradie
Dave left the tools ten years ago but never left the site banter. He files Tradie Tales from a ute that may or may not pass its WOF.
HAMILTON DOG PARK STALLED BY SUBMISSION FROM A CAT NAMED DEREK
One cat. One typed letter. Six months of meetings. Ratepayers footing the bill.
TARADALE PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE BLOKE BUYING THE FUEL
Forty-two bucks of 91. Three metres of paper. One sparky ropeable.
LYTTELTON WEATHER APP INSISTS IT'S SUNNY AS SOUTHERLY TAKES BLOKE'S GAZEBO
MetService widget says 14 and clear. The gazebo is now in Diamond Harbour.
GREYTOWN COMMUTER'S CHIP BUTTY TAKEN CLEAN OUT OF HAND BY SEAGULL WITH "NO REGARD FOR THE QUEUE"
Bloke reckons the bird made eye contact first. The bird has not been available for comment.
GLENORCHY SHOP'S "CLOSING DOWN" SIGN NOW OLDER THAN THE OWNER'S YOUNGEST KID
Ninth year of the everything-must-go sale. Everything is, in fact, still there.
OHAUITI PLAYGROUND SHUT FOR "ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE" — COUNCIL WON'T SAY WHAT THEY'RE ASPIRING TO
Slide works. Swings work. Consultant's invoice apparently doesn't.
GRASMERE CAT NAMED 'PERSON OF INTEREST' ON NEIGHBOURLY POLL, LEADING BY 31 VOTES
Ginger tom Mervyn is beating an actual human suspect 43 to 12. The human is furious.
WAIHEKE UNDER-11S SAUSAGE SIZZLE TRIGGERS LIBRARY ALARM, EVACUATES SIX ADULTS AND A CAT
The onions were on. The librarian was not having it. The ref blew full-time from the car park.
ISLAND BAY MUM SETS UP CAMP AT PARAPARAUMU PTA MEETING, STILL THERE THREE HOURS LATER
She brought a thermos. She brought opinions. She brought a spare cardigan. Nobody's game to ask her to leave.
COUNTDOWN TROLLEY TURNS UP IN GLENORCHY, 45KM FROM THE NEAREST BLOODY COUNTDOWN
The trolley was last seen in Frankton. It is now in a paddock past Glenorchy, and nobody's putting their hand up.
SPREYDON UNDER-11 RUGBY MATCH STOPPED THREE TIMES IN TWENTY MINUTES — PLANE, COW, JANDAL
Ref blew the whistle for a Cessna. Then a heifer. Then a jandal. Parents lost the plot.
DUNEDIN MEETING ON NORTH D CYCLEWAY DERAILED BY AUCKLAND PIGEON STATUE FOR 90 MINUTES
DCC hired a consultant to explain a bronze bird nobody in Otago asked for. He billed the trip down.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS NAPIER SOUTH 'FOUND OBJECT MUSEUM' IS ONE HUBCAP AND A STORY
Terms of reference expanded twice. The hubcap remains the sole exhibit.
BISHOPDALE TOUCH GAME CALLED OFF AFTER DAD'S VAPE CLOUD SWALLOWS HALFWAY LINE
Ref couldn't see the ball. Ref couldn't see the players. Ref could smell blue raspberry from thirty metres.
GUYS. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO FILE THIS ONE: NEWTOWN WANTS LEAF BLOWERS BANNED BEFORE 10AM
An apology, an accounting, and a petition making its way through the southern suburbs.
HERNE BAY MAN CONVINCED NEIGHBOUR'S SOLAR PANELS ARE 'WATCHING HIM MOW'
Reckons the glare hits different when he's shirtless. Neighbour reckons he's a knob.
DUNEDIN CITY COUNCIL SHUTS NORTH DUNEDIN PLAYGROUND FOR 'ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE' — NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN WHAT THAT IS
Sources who spoke to The Daily Yarn on condition of anonymity say the swings were 'basically fine, mate'.
TAMAHERE WHEELIE BIN LID LEFT OPEN — STREET GROUP CHAT NOW 340 MESSAGES DEEP
One flap of plastic. Three days of accusations. A retired accountant has printed diagrams.
BOTANY UTE HOSTS ROOFTOP SAUSAGE SIZZLE, INSPECTOR ARRIVES MID-ONION
The Hilux is loaded, the gas bottle is on, and the building consent is theoretical.