ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS PHILLIPSTOWN NETBALL TROPHY ENGRAVED '1987' AWARDED EVERY YEAR SINCE 2009
Fourteen winning captains held the cup aloft. None of them looked at the plinth.
Sharon Ngatai
Sharon files stories and reader letters with equal passion for mall drama.
UPPER RICCARTON UNDER-11s COACH INSISTS BOG IS "CHARACTER BUILDING" AS THIRD KID LOSES BOOT TO MUD
Coach Dazza reckons the swamp is a teaching moment. The parents reckon Dazza is the teaching moment.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS UNDER-10 'PLAYER OF THE DAY' WAS NOT ACTUALLY AT THE GAME
Forty-seven findings handed down. The chocolate fish has been impounded.
CROFTON DOWNS WHEELIE BIN LEFT OPEN OVERNIGHT, NEIGHBOUR FILES "FORMAL CONCERN"
The lid was up eight centimetres. The street WhatsApp has not recovered.
NGAIO WOMAN'S 'AUCKLAND BEACH DAY' LASTS ELEVEN MINUTES BEFORE SOUTHERLY ARRIVES
The towels were laid out. The chilly bin was open. The weather had other plans, as it does.
SOUTH DUNEDIN PAK'NSAVE OUT OF BREAD BY 9.15AM OVER FROST WARNING OF MINUS ONE
The forecast said light frost. The shoppers heard apocalypse.
MACANDREW BAY RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND "A REAL POSITIVE ATTITUDE", BUILDER CONFIRMS
It was a Tuesday morning in Macandrew Bay. The hill was about to become a suggestion.
JUDEA SKY DEFIES METSERVICE BY PRODUCING ONE EXTREMELY ANGRY CLOUD
Forecast said sunny. Cloud said otherwise. Cloud won.
MIRAMAR UNDER-13 NETBALL SIDE PARADES TROPHY ENGRAVED '2019' FOR THREE WEEKS BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES
Engraver in Napier blames a long Friday. Coach blames the clubroom lighting. Mums blame each other.
WELLINGTON COUNCIL SPENDS TWO HOURS DEBATING WHETHER HOT CROSS BUNS NEED A RESOURCE CONSENT
The motion was tabled, untabled, then tabled again by a councillor who hadn't read it.
Ogre Mystifies Crofton Downs, Refuses to Move to Petone Swamps
Multiple sources confirm a large green figure has been loitering near the bush line. Officials remain tight-lipped.
Tekapo's mystery boats spark 340-page inquiry, still unclaimed
The Commission finds, on the balance of probabilities, that the boats have been there since at least Queen's Birthday.
Tawa's Ogre Wedding: Nuns, Onion Tables, and Unsolved Mysteries
A Stuff investigation into the green-painted nuptials that have left a Tawa hall booking officer requesting a full carpet shampoo.
Murray's Holden an Accidental Rangiora Landmark
OC7989 hasn't moved since 2011. A sycamore is using it as a planter.
Canterbury Legend Tows Mattress, Pallet in Wild Jimny Combo
ORY764 last seen leaving Prestons Road at 40km/h with a queen-sized Sleepyhead doing the limbo.
LINWOOD SCARECROW NAMED BEST DRESSED AT AWARDS NIGHT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN
The scarecrow is wearing a sash. Nobody can account for the sash.
NAPIER COUNCIL POTHOLE APP NOW REPLYING 'WE FEEL YOUR PAIN' TO EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT
Taradale woman reports same pothole 14 times. Gets 14 identical hugs from a server.
NEWTOWN DROUGHT DECLARED OVER AFTER DRIZZLE SPOTTED ON RENAULT WINDSCREEN
Three weeks of dire warnings undone by what one witness called 'barely a spit, honestly'.
TAKAPUNA OFFICE SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE OVER WHETHER 18 DEGREES IS A PUFFER JACKET SITUATION
Three staff are in merino. Two are in puffers. One bloke is in jandals. HR has been called.
TAKAPUNA BEACH DAY ENDS IN HORIZONTAL RAIN AFTER 11 MINUTES OF SUNSHINE
The sausages were still cold. The towels are now in the harbour.