LINWOOD SCARECROW NAMED BEST DRESSED AT AWARDS NIGHT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN
The scarecrow is wearing a sash. Nobody can account for the sash.
Sharon Ngatai
Sharon files stories and reader letters with equal passion for mall drama.
NAPIER COUNCIL POTHOLE APP NOW REPLYING 'WE FEEL YOUR PAIN' TO EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT
Taradale woman reports same pothole 14 times. Gets 14 identical hugs from a server.
NEWTOWN DROUGHT DECLARED OVER AFTER DRIZZLE SPOTTED ON RENAULT WINDSCREEN
Three weeks of dire warnings undone by what one witness called 'barely a spit, honestly'.
TAKAPUNA OFFICE SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE OVER WHETHER 18 DEGREES IS A PUFFER JACKET SITUATION
Three staff are in merino. Two are in puffers. One bloke is in jandals. HR has been called.
TAKAPUNA BEACH DAY ENDS IN HORIZONTAL RAIN AFTER 11 MINUTES OF SUNSHINE
The sausages were still cold. The towels are now in the harbour.
PAPAMOA PRIMARY SOCK HEIGHT RULING SPARKS PTA CIVIL WAR — TWO MUMS NO LONGER SPEAKING AT PILATES
The board says mid-calf. Some parents say ankle. A WhatsApp group called 'Sock Chat' has 47 unread messages.
ONERAHI DAIRY BECOMES UNOFFICIAL MET SERVICE AS CUSTOMERS REFUSE TO AGREE IT'S MUGGY
Three customers, one thermometer above the pie warmer, zero consensus.
NEWMARKET TRAMPOLINE FOUND IN REMUERA FRONT GARDEN, RESIDENTS DEMAND IT LEAVE
The wind giveth. Remuera would like it to taketh away again, ideally before the body corporate meeting.
MOSGIEL TOUCH MODULE INTRODUCES SIN BIN FOR SARCASM, FIRST OFFENDER BINNED AT 6.04PM
The new rule lasted four minutes before being tested. The bloke is still in the bin, sort of.
BISHOPDALE SCHOOL GALA RUNS OUT OF $1 COINS BY 10.17AM, PTA TREASURER 'TAKING A MOMENT' IN THE STAFF CARPARK
The sausage sizzle still had snags. The lucky dip still had prizes. Nobody had change.
STOKE SCHOOL PICKUP LANE NOW FEATURES UTE WITH SEVEN FLAGS, INCLUDING ONE NO-ONE CAN IDENTIFY
The Hilux occupies two parks and an opinion. Other parents are furious but smiling.
SUMNER SCHOOL LOST PROPERTY BIN DECLARED ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE, PARENTS TOLD NOT TO DIG
The bin holds 47 jerseys, one shoe, and a lunchbox last seen in Year 3.
STOKE LIBRARY AMNESTY QUIETLY ERASES MAYOR'S $187 DVD TAB
Two copies of Shrek 2 among the wiped items. The librarian is not happy.
ISLAND BAY NOTE-LEAVER ESCALATES TO LAMINATED A4 OVER SINGLE DOG TURD
Author signs off as 'A Concerned Neighbour' but everyone reckons it's the bloke at number 14.
STOKE 'CLOSING DOWN SALE' ENTERS NINTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR, OWNER NOW LISTING IT AS A FEATURE
The sign was last replaced in 2021, when the old one got sun-bleached into a suggestion.
MT EDEN PARKING WARDEN TICKETS MOBILITY SCOOTER OUTSIDE DAIRY — INSISTS IT WAS "AT AN ANGLE"
The scooter's owner, 81, was inside buying a Trumpet. The fine is $40.
HENDERSON WAREHOUSE BOXING DAY SALE CITED IN THREE DIVORCE FILINGS, ONE PRANG ON LINCOLN ROAD
Family Court bracing for more once the air fryer queue clears.
PONSONBY CAT WINS FACEBOOK MAYORAL POLL, IMMEDIATELY GOES TO SLEEP ON A FERN
Tortoiseshell named Brenda secures 847 votes; runner-up was 'the bloke who yells at the pigeons'.
SUMNER UNDER-11s COACH INSISTS KNEE-DEEP MUD IS 'CHARACTER BUILDING' AS THIRD KID LOSES A BOOT
Parents reckon the only character being built is the one swearing at the touchline.
KARORI TIME CAPSULE CRACKED OPEN 18 YEARS EARLY AFTER COMMITTEE LOSES THE KEY
Buried 2007. Due 2057. Opened Tuesday because Margaret's drawer is a disaster.