Satire — not real news Submit a yarn
The Daily Yarn

Aotearoa's finest fabricated news

Sports Sideline

AHURIRI NETBALL MUM EJECTED FOR COACHING THE REF EVERY 12 SECONDS

The under-11 game was 40 minutes long. She lasted 14.

A netball sideline mum at the Park Island courts in Ahuriri was asked to leave a Saturday under-11 fixture. She'd spent the first quarter loudly instructing the umpire on the definition of contact.

The mum, Danielle Rewa-Mitchell of Greenmeadows, told The Daily Yarn she was "helping" and that the umpire was "clearly new to the rulebook, love." The umpire is 16. Witnesses counted 27 interventions before half-time.

"She kept yelling 'THAT'S OBSTRUCTION' every time our girl looked at her kid," said opposing parent Mel Katene, flat white going cold in her hand. "Then it was 'THREE SECONDS, UMP'. Then it was 'ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND'. At an under-11 game. On a Saturday."

The umpire asked not to be named. She still has to work the under-13s at 11am. She said the mum had "walked onto the court twice to point at things." A club official escorted Rewa-Mitchell to the carpark. She kept coaching through the fence for another six minutes.

A Netball Hawke's Bay spokesperson said sideline behaviour was "an ongoing area of focus" and a formal warning had been issued. Asked if the ejection was a first, they said: "First today."

Rewa-Mitchell has offered to "run a short session" for the umpires next Saturday. The club has declined.

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Spotted something like this in your area?

Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.

SUBMIT A YARN →

Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.

Reader Letters

Sandra_from_Taradale

Umpires need support, not harassment!

reply_guy_Richard

Sandra in Taradale, mate that's not even what they said. It's about holding our sideline conduct to the same standard we expect from the kids. Danielle turning up with her whistle shouldn't be happening.

Trev_Hornby

Danielle's an absolute legend! I mean, the ref clearly needed some guidance. It's not every day that you get such enthusiastic coaching from the sidelines!

Ahuriri_Andy

I can't wait for her 'short session'. That's gonna be a shitshow. Someone bring popcorn.

Garry (Halswell)

Back in my day, we played netball without all this drama! Just good, honest fun without parents storming onto the court. Kids these days must think every game is like the World Cup.

ropeable_dave

Garry, we were on the same team! But let's be honest, you'd have been right beside her if this happened back in the day. Competition ran deep!

wayne1987

Mate, Danielle Rewa-Mitchell is just a symptom of a bigger problem here. Look around, it's getting out of hand, not just here in Ahuriri but everywhere. It's a bloody epidemic of overzealous parents thinking they're the second coming of a professional coach!

Sandra_the_Pedant

Three seconds? More like two!

couchgremlin

Lol

MumOf3_HawkesBay

Walking onto the court is a disgusting display of entitlement. Danielle needs to know this isn't a bloody All Blacks game. Let the young ones have their moment without turning it into a parent's sporting drama.

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Report / Takedown

Like this yarn?

Get the best one every morning.

SATIRE — Everything on this site is fabricated for entertainment. Not real news.